Marriage in Islam

In the Name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful

Allah, the Most High, says in the Holy Quran, “And of His signs is that He created for you mates from your own selves that you may take comfort in them, and He ordained affection and mercy between you. There are indeed signs in that for a people who reflect.” [30:21]

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَٰنِ الرَّحِيمِ

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

It’s narrated that the Holy Prophet Muhammad (p) has said,
“There is no institution in Islam more beloved and dearer to Allah than marriage”
[al-Majlisi, “Bihar al-Anwar”: v. 100, p. 222]

عن النّبيّ الأكرم (صلّى الله عليه وآله وسلّم)
“ما بُنيَ في الإسلام بيتٌ أحبَّ إلى الله تعالى وأعزَّ من التّزويج”
[المجلسي، “بحار الأنوار”: ج ١٠٠، ص ٢٢٢]

         From an Islamic point of view, marriage is an essential pillar of human life, as humans are the masters of creatures and the most honorable of them. God Almighty has chosen them over all other creatures by giving them reason and assigning them duties. Human beings are the center of creation. They must continue to exist by reproducing, and that can only be done in accordance with the natural laws of marriage. It can only be done in pairs, as God created everything in pairs, He says, “And We created you in pairs.”^[1] The Divine Laws also promoted its significance in the continuation of mankind, bringing psychological stability, as well as motivating [man] to exercise his role of being the representative of God on earth. The Almighty says, “And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect.”^[2] Its importance is further emphasized in the words of the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) and the Virtuous Imams. It has been narrated from the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) that he said, “There is no institution in Islam more beloved and dearer to God than marriage.”^[3] Another narrations state, “Whoever marries, protects half of his religion, then for the remaining half he must only fear God,”^[4] and “No Muslim man can benefit after Islam something better than a Muslim wife who brings him joy when he looks at her.”^[5] It has also been narrated by Imam al-Sadiq (p) that “Two rakaats prayed by a married person are better than seventy rakaats prayed by an unmarried person”^[6] and there are many more narrations in this regard.

The Purpose of Marriage

         God Almighty placed an innate urge in mankind to attract each other and bring others closer “so that you may find comfort in them.”^[7] But Islam did not want to leave this urge to be practiced in the same way as animals; rather it wanted it to be made sacred and used to get closer to God. To do this, God legislated the institution of marriage.

         Through marriage, mankind is sustained, and without it, humanity will become extinct. One reason for the fall of civilizations, as some studies suggest, is that their population was not growing at a steady rate of at least 2%.^[8] For this reason, some developed countries provide grants, gifts, and allowances to women who become pregnant and give birth to children.^[9] Humanity cannot be preserved except through marriage. Today, we find many studies, especially in the field of human resources, that address the importance of large populations, and suggest that large populations are an indispensable resource in increasing their country’s strength and resistance against any attack. The studies also suggest that such populations provide working hands that can help spread their country’s influence on the rest of the world. Islam had addressed the importance of human resources long ago and strongly encouraged marriage. It has been narrated by the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp), “Marry and procreate so that I may be proud of your great numbers before the nations.”^[10]

         Because it is a project of responsibility and forming a family, then upbringing children and building society, as well as the fact that it comes with rights and obligations for the partners, it was necessary for there to be recommendations and educational guides that help the person avoid mistakes in this sacred project. Hence, Islam came with a complete set of laws and legislations that help achieve a healthy, sound, and fruitful marriage. Without these laws, chaos and turmoil will occur, families will disintegrate, energy will be wasted, lineages will be lost, and society will cease to exist.

         Marriage is the only way to form a good, healthy family. It is the only legitimate relationship between men and women, it is the natural way of reproduction and preserving humanity, and it is the protector of half of one’s religion as his desires would be fulfilled within the limits God had permitted. Moreover, Islam made the marriage of a man to a woman an honorable bond and a great religious contract that cannot be exceeded in honor except by Islam itself. It was mentioned in a holy narration, “No Muslim man can benefit after Islam something better than a Muslim wife who brings him joy when he looks at her, obeys him when he orders her, and protects herself and his wealth when he is away from her.”^[11]

A Successful Marriage

         A successful marriage is a purposeful one and not one based on emotions and fleeting desires. What we mean here by being “purposeful,” is to understand the purposes of marriage in Islam, the rights and obligations that accompany it, the recommended and disliked acts that strengthen the partners’ relationship, the obligations and responsibilities towards children, their education, care, and finally, the duties and rights towards society. Then, after knowing all of this, they must keep in mind that everything they sacrifice and give of love and effort to make this Divine mission succeed will be rewarded by God Almighty on the Day of Resurrection.

         An unsuccessful marriage is one based on mere desires, physical attraction, fleeting pleasures, wealth, fame, or worldly profit and personal benefit. None of this can build a sound and strong marital relationship because as soon as they end, the marital relationship ends. We do not have to give examples of this or show data as there are plenty of known cases of divorce between celebrities in the worlds of politics, finance, sports, trade, and so on, that confirm this claim.

The Benefits of Marriage

         Marriage has many benefits and fruits that can be seen in any successful family. Some of these benefits include:

1. Housing and Stability

         There is no doubt that all non-married men or women naturally feel alone and need partners with whom they can feel comfortable and complete. On the other hand, married couples can easily describe how they feel about what God Almighty described as comfort and stability in marriage. Surely it is a sign for people who reflect on it. As for non-married people, it is difficult for them to understand it, but they surely feel the absence of something that completes them, and this fulfillment cannot be achieved except with marriage, as it provides stability and comfort, as well as psychological and spiritual safety for the human beings.

2. Practicing Sincere Feelings

         God Almighty has placed in humans innate feelings of love, compassion, and kindness. These appear in all human beings in different degrees towards each other, but they are especially strong between spouses, and no one other than them can sense and touch these feelings. A sincere marriage based on divine foundations comes with great affection that make spouses sacrifice the most valuable things for one another, and thus feel the utmost mercy, compassion, and kindness to one another. This is what makes the marital home and married life the highest and best in terms of giving, sacrificing, and leading to success. Let us go back to the holy verse and remember what God reminds us of when He says, “And He has placed between you compassion and mercy.”^[12]

3. The Criterion of Completion

         All humans instinctively love beauty, and the beauty of many things is completed with other things. For example, a beautiful painting of nature may become more beautiful when images of water and greenery are added. The beauty of a residential complex may be completed with the addition of gardens, water fountains, and sculptures that make it more desirable. As for human beings, the factors of beauty and adornment are different, by going beyond material appearance into the spirit, intellect, mind, and subconscious. Therefore, we find the Quran portraying spouses as adornments for each other that cover their faults and shortcomings, beautify their souls, and stop them from falling into the hideousness of deviation. This is what we notice from the statement that each of them is an adornment for the other. The Almighty says, “They are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them.”^[13] It was narrated from Imam al-Sadiq (p),  regarding the importance of choosing a good wife: “A woman is a necklace, so choose well what you will wear.”^[14] So as there is a difference between being adorned with a gold or copper necklace, you have to adorn yourself with a woman who is suitable for you and increases your prestige and the beauty of both your material and moral presence.

4. Happiness and Intimacy

         When each of the spouses is an adornment and source of comfort for the other, they will also be a source of pleasure and happiness for the other. That is why successful couples are the ones whose hearts always yearn towards their homes and passionately hope to return to them at the end of their work day in order to rid themselves of the fatigue and worries and to restore their vitality and activity. The Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) said, “No Muslim man can benefit after Islam something better than a Muslim wife who brings him joy when he looks at her.”^[15] Islam wants the marital home to be a source of happiness, stability, and comfort, as well as hope for a prosperous and promising future, and the best form of happiness is friendly companionship between the husband and wife. That is why husbands should deal with their wives in a way that makes them happy, and the wives should deal with their husbands similarly.

5. Maintaining Religiosity and Self-Purification

         Marriage purifies a person, curbs their sexual instincts, and utilizes them in a religiously-acceptable and healthy way. So one of the goals of marriage is to keep the person away from moral wrongdoings, purify his soul, and beautify it with morals and good behavior so that the Devil has no way to control him. For this reason, Islam encourages early marriage, because the more youthful a person is, the more he expects and is inclined to sex and pleasures. It was narrated from the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) that “Whoever marries, protects half of his religion, then for the remaining half he must only fear God.”^[16] It has been narrated from Imam al-Sadiq (p) that “Two rakaats of prayer that a married man prays are better than an unmarried man who prays all night and fasts all day.”^[17]

6. Marriage Increases Sustenance

         Many may wonder how marriage, which is usually accompanied by financial responsibilities and expenses, is a reason for increasing sustenance. Yet this is a reality that cannot be explained by material means. It is God Almighty’s promise to all those who think that marriage brings poverty or who abort their children out of fear of increasing expenses, following the path of those from the pre-Islamic period, whose actions were forbidden by God in His saying, “and when baby girls, buried alive, are asked for what crime they were put to death.”^[18] They commit the forbidden deed of killing a soul! “And do not kill your children for fear of poverty. We provide for them and for you. Indeed, their killing is ever a great sin,”^[19] and God has promised hellfire for it, “And whoever kills a believer intentionally, their reward will be Hell, where they will stay indefinitely. Allah will be displeased with them, condemn them, and will prepare for them a tremendous punishment.”^[20]

         God Almighty says and confirms that He is the Provider and that He is the limitless Giver to those who believe in Him and in His great power. The Almighty says,  “And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male and female slaves. If they are poor, God will enrich them from His bounty, and God is all-encompassing and knowing.”^[21] Thus it was narrated from the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) to  “Take a family, for it provides for you,”^[22] and, “Whoever leaves marriage out of fear of family is not one of us.”^[23] It has also been narrated from Imam al-Sadiq (p) that he said, “Whoever leaves marriage out of fear of poverty, has mistrusted God Almighty, for God Almighty says [If they are poor, God will enrich them from His bounty].”^[24]

7. Establishing Family and Sustaining Offspring

         Sustaining offspring itself is an essential purpose of marriage, and therefore one of its fruits is the existence of children through whom humanity continues generation after generation. Since the beginning of man’s presence on earth, he had a family. In the beginning, there was the family of Adam and Eve, and since then, this natural phenomenon continued and will continue until the end. (We have referred in some detail to this point in the paragraph titled “The Purpose of Marriage.”)

The Negative Effects of Refraining from Marriage

         When the importance of marriage and its benefits become clear, the dangerous negative effects of refraining from marriage naturally appear. These issues include:

The End of Society

         Not marrying threatens to destroy society by disintegrating the family. Without the family structure, there will be no way to satisfy psychological, emotional, and sexual needs except with deviation.

Killing the Innate Emotional Tendency

         Refraining from marriage means depriving the person of the innate emotional and spiritual relationship, “so that you may find comfort in them,”^[25] and thus forcing him to surrender to depression, mental illness, psychological suffering, anxiety, turmoil, and instability.

Monasticism

         Refraining from marriage is seen as a “good” form of monasticism by some. That is, killing sexual instincts and extinguishing them by any means, and this contradicts God’s purpose of creation and was forbidden by the Holy Prophet. It is narrated that the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) was informed that a group of people had decided that they would not eat meat, smell perfume, or marry, so he became angry, went out, and called, “Prayer is congregational!” So the people gathered. He ascended the pulpit, praised God, then said, “What is wrong with those people who forbid themselves from the good things? Indeed, I sleep at night, have intercourse, and eat [well] during the day, so whoever deviates from my tradition is not from me.”^[26] It is also narrated from Abd al-Samad Ibn Bashir that “a woman came to Imam al-Sadiq (p) and said, ‘May God increase your guidance (a form of greeting), I am a celibate woman,’ so he (p) asked: ‘What is celibacy to you?’ She said, ‘I will not marry.’ He said, ‘Why?’ She said, ‘I seek virtue.’ So he said, ‘Go away! If that was a virtue, then Fatima (p) would have more right to it than you because no one exceeds her in virtue.’^[27] As we know, the status of Fatima (p) is very exalted in the sight of God Almighty and His Messenger (pbuh&hp), as he said regarding her, “Fatima is the Lady of the Women of the Worlds, from the first [woman] to the last.’^[28] So monasticism is also forbidden in Islam, and it is not permissible to kill desires and crush instincts.

Deviation

         Refraining from marriage means opening the wide door of deviation in sexual relations without any values, limits, or regulations. It means deviating from the human moral system and regular family ties and relationships and deviating from religion. Sexual deviation is represented in various forms, all of which are unacceptable in the sight of the Almighty Creator, and He has condemned them and promised great punishment for them because of their devastating effects on mankind, their happiness, the family, and society as a whole. Therefore, refraining from marriage and giving unrestricted liberty to desires will lead to at least one of the following wrongdoings:

Masturbation

         Masturbation is when a person resorts to any individual-based means to satisfy his desires to the point of ejaculation. God has described those who commit such an act as “transgressors,” as in the apparent meaning of the holy verse, “But whoever seeks beyond that, those are the transgressors.”^[29] The Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) also warned against practicing it and described those who commit this act in the most despicable way, saying, “The one who masturbates is cursed.”^[30] Furthermore, it is one of the greatest forty sins in Islam, by any means obtained, whether with the hand, an object, or even imagination if it reaches the extent of ejaculation.

Adultery

         There are those who transcend the habit of masturbation and get involved in the practice of adultery, which is one of the greatest sins in Islam. God Almighty says regarding it, “And do not approach adultery. Indeed, it was an obscenity and an evil way,”^[31] and there have been many warnings about it in the holy narrations, detailing its effects on the individual, society, life, goods, and blessings. One of these many narrations has been narrated from the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp), in which he says, “No son of Adam will do a greater evil in the sight of God, Blessed, and Exalted is He, than a man who kills a prophet or an Imam, demolishes the Kaaba that God Almighty has made a qiblah for His servants, or empties his semen unlawfully into a woman.”^[32] It was also narrated by Imam al-Rida (p), in explaining the prohibition of adultery that, “Adultery is forbidden because of the corruption it entails, such as killing lives, losing lineages, abandoning the upbringing of children, corruption of inheritance, and similar aspects of corruption,”^[33] and a similar narration from the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) states, “There are four things that do not enter a home without demolishing it and ending its blessing; treason, theft, drinking alcohol, and adultery.”^[34] Among its effects is the spread of diseases, such as the recent and notorious AIDS epidemic, with many other diseases known to spread among those who practice this immoral act. Adultery is one of the worst, most immoral practices that humans have known since ancient times, and one of the sins that all people, religions, beliefs, and laws agreed on rejecting.

Homosexuality

         In addition to all that has been discussed, when immorality continues and changes and does not come to an end, absolute deviation begins. That is, doing what is not usually done, in neither lawful nor unlawful relationships, such that it is even refused by many animals. That is committing the act of homosexuality and lesbianism. The punishment for this deviation is the wrath of God Almighty and the descent of heavenly punishment, as with the people of Prophet Lut (p). “So when our command came we made the highest part of the city its lowest and rained upon them stones of layered hard clay.”^[35] Today, we see that many psychological and physical illnesses spread as a result of practicing such sexual deviations, the latest of which was the monkeypox outbreak, which news reports say is spreading widely among these people.^[36]

         Refraining from marriage and falling into moral deviations make a person fall from his divine position, as the representative of the Creator on earth. God Almighty honored man and gave him the advantage of the reason that He did not give to any of His other creatures. “Indeed, We have dignified the children of Adam, carried them on land and sea, granted them good and lawful provisions, and privileged them far above many of Our creatures.”^[37] So why do we insist on deviance and [moral] decline? A clean and pure believer cannot, under any circumstances, expose himself, his dignity, his body, and his private parts to be violated. As God Almighty says, “Those who guard their chastity…Those are the heirs who will inherit Paradise. They will be there forever.”^[38]

The Exploitation of Animals

         Although it sounds strange and unbelievable, the exploitation of animals is happening. One of the degrees of abnormality that a sexually deviant person may reach involves hurting and violating animals. It is something that the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) has warned against since the beginning of Islam, as it was narrated that he said, “Cursed is he who has intercourse with an animal.”^[39]

Strange Thoughts about Marriage

1.    Sexuality is a sin

         Some people think that sexuality and the practice of lust is a sin and inferiority that a person should rise above. Islam is against this idea. It was stated in a narration, “There is no monasticism in Islam,”^[40] and the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) said, “Three things from the world were made beloved to me; women, good scent, and the most beloved in my eyes is prayer.”^[41] It was also narrated that the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) was informed that a group of people had decided that they would not eat meat, smell perfume, or marry, so he became angry, went out, and called, “Prayer is congregational!’ So the people gathered. He ascended the pulpit, praised God, then said, “What is wrong with those people who forbid themselves the good things? Indeed, I sleep at night, have intercourse, and eat [well] during the day, so whoever deviates from my tradition is not from me.”^[42] Not only Islam, but all human beings, according to human nature and instinct, engage in and encourage sex, as it is not a sin at all, since if it were so, God Almighty would have warned against it. On the contrary, the Divine Laws praised it, promised to reward it, established a complete set of rules for its legislation, and warned against immoderacy regarding it and deviation from it.

2.    Financial burdens

         Some young people are frightened by marriage because it is an institution that involves burdens, responsibilities, dowries, and complex social relationships that seem to take away a person’s freedom when in reality, the opposite is true. For example, in regard to dowries, Islam explained that the purpose of the dowry is for it to be an endowment and gift that promotes generosity, and invokes love and emotional cohesion. The Almighty said, “And give the women their dowry as a gift,”^[43] even though Islam considers it a right of the wife. In fact, women who do not demand an exaggerated dowry are praised, as it was mentioned in a holy narration, “The best women of my nation are those with the most glowing faces and the least dowries.”^[44] Moreover, Islam did not specify that the dowry should be money, but rather it could be anything that has a financial value, even if it is simple, such as presenting a rose, for example, or a moral value, like if he teaches her a lesson or a course in a specific subject.

         Financial fear and the excuse that enough time, which sometimes extends to more than a decade, is needed to establish the financial ability required to guarantee a good marital life, are nothing but a delusion and excuses to run away. How many people live this fantasy and have their life and youth pass before them until they realize the sweetness of marriage has gone with it?  How many people accumulated money, but their wealth led them toward deviation and distraction until they became rich and spoiled without ever getting married, and regret in their last hours how they wished to have a spouse and children by their side? Indeed, it is the call of their instinct and conscience, but it was not long before they left this life to be among the most miserable of the dead, as it was narrated that the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) said, “The most miserable of your dead are those who died unmarried,”^[45] and the opposite is true (meaning the best of your dead are those who died married).

3.    The Need for Marriage with the Availability of Sex

         There are those who ask themselves, what is the point of marriage if sex is available and at the cheapest prices in these times? Yes, it may be true that sex is available and cheap. However, assuming that such people protect themselves from evils like adultery, or they adopt the method of temporary marriage, the reality remains different. Temporary marriage was only legislated to close the gate of corruption, meaning if a man had to choose between committing what is forbidden, as a result of his distance from his wife due to travel or some other compelling reason, and marrying a wife to whom he has rights and duties towards within a strict legal contract, in which there are conditions and responsibilities, it is best to choose the latter. Temporary marriage seeks to satisfy a temporary need, and it cannot replace the permanent marriage that God describes: “So that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy.”^[46] Temporary marriage is not a place of comfort, affection, or mercy, but a fleeting relationship so that the person does not commit the forbidden. If it is used otherwise, people’s honor becomes vulnerable to whims and sexual desires, and the man [who practices it] will have no dignity at that time in the sight of God or in the sight of the society in which he lives, as he is seen as a gourmet who moves between this platter and that, having no essential difference between him and others (immoral people) in terms of method and appearance.

         Furthermore, moving from one relationship to the next will make the person vulnerable to diseases and their transmission, and will open the appetite of the lustful, animal side of the person, causing them to never find satisfaction as he will no longer be able to settle on one woman, no matter how perfect and beautiful she may be. Likewise, if a woman follows this behavior, she will not be convinced of any young man, no matter how perfect and handsome he may be. Indeed, a real, permanent, and complete marriage will bring comfort, love, loyalty, dedication, and affection. It will bring a noble life. The Almighty says, “And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect.”^[47]

Making the Process of Marriage Easy

         Everything is subject to the will of man himself and how he chooses how to approach any given situation. If a person wants to make a matter difficult and complicated, he can do so, and likewise, if he wants to complete and simplify a matter, he can surely make it much easier. Thus, the path to marriage may be difficult for some and easy for others. Below are some of the things that can make the marriage process easier:

1. Move away from some inherited customs. There are customs and traditions that children are not obliged to inherit from their fathers and grandfathers, no matter how proud they are of them. Many of them require double the financial costs and unnecessary expenses, for nothing but formalities and social competition, like holding the marriage ceremony in luxurious hotels, having the wedding in an airplane or ship, and so on.

• Avoid exaggerated dowries. The dowry is nothing but a gift and a token of love. It is narrated from the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) that “The best women of my nation are those with the most glowing faces and the least dowries.”^[48] The less the dowry the girl asks for, the more the husband will love her and give everything he has for her sake, as she chose not to deal with him in a material way. It shows respect, love, and affection, but when high dowries are asked, it may cause resentment and mistrust, destroying a marriage on its first day.

• Unrealistic wishes and dreams. There are young men who set imaginary qualities for their future wives that reach the extent of impossibility. There are also some young women who put such qualities in the man of their dreams that are also impossible. To solve this issue, we must understand that perfection is for God Almighty alone, and everything and everyone else is nothing but manifestations of God’s perfection in varying degrees. First, there are the prophets and successors who God Almighty chose in which to reflect His qualities, as they are the closest to Him and are the role models for the rest of mankind. Then, everyone else is below them degree after degree in character, meaning He has distributed His perfection to all His creatures, and therefore, you will not find a creature that is characterized by absolute perfection. It is enough for them to have a number of good qualities that describe a righteous person and that are required to fulfill the role he has towards his family. After finding someone with such qualities, you can only put your trust in God and proceed, and with time, everything will appear perfect in the eyes of the partner, as the concepts of beauty, wealth, admiration, and attraction differ completely from different natures and cultures. Islam built the foundations [of marriage] on qualities that are considered essential when choosing the partner, and left the other qualities to the person to acquaint and convince himself. It was narrated that the Prophet (pbuh&hp) said, “When someone whose religion and trustworthiness you are pleased with proposes to (someone under your care), then marry to him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil in the land and great discord.”^[49]

• Not being afraid of poverty. Some may think that not having the necessary income or the required monthly salary will result in a dark future that will lead to poverty, neediness, humiliation, and begging. However, the opposite is true: marriage is a source of divine sustenance. God has promised us in His saying, “And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male and female slaves. If they are poor, God will enrich them from His bounty, and God is all-encompassing and knowing.”^[50] It has also been narrated from Imam al-Sadiq (p) that, “Whoever leaves marriage out of fear of poverty has mistrusted God Almighty, for God Almighty says [If they are poor, God will enrich them from His bounty].”^[51] In fact, marriage brings down sustenance, as it was narrated from the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) that he said, “Take a family, for it provides for you,”^[52]

The Age of Marriage

         Islam does not give a specific age for marriage, as it comes as a result of psychological and physical maturity. There are two stages to maturity. The stage of mental maturity and the stage of sexual maturity, which is known as puberty. Usually, young men and women reach puberty before reaching the age of mental maturity. The first is subject to biological and hormonal variables, while the second varies and may progress or be delayed due to the circumstances of education and preparation for marriage. A good society, family, and education all play an important role in shaping a person’s personality, qualifying him for marriage. Therefore, young men and women may be able to marry immediately after their sexual maturity and have the ability to fulfill their needs with marriage, or perhaps they need to slow down and wait for some time until they are ready to assume the responsibility of marriage and family.

What adolescents under the legal age should be aware of, and their expectations from guardians and family

         The statutory and civil laws in some countries may contradict Islamic laws and the recommendations in the matter of marriage. For example, the laws of some countries or states may not allow marriage before reaching the age of eighteen or sixteen, while from an Islamic point of view, this is not considered forbidden, and may even be acceptable from a cultural point of view depending on the society and their traditions.

         Here, the young man and woman who desire to get married, as well as their guardians and families, must pay heed to these rules and rulings since the jurists do not permit breaking statutory laws because doing so would subject believers to trial and prosecution as well as disruption in society. Furthermore, some countries may allow marriage under a certain age that another country does not allow, like in the case of most Middle Eastern countries, but then when arranging the papers and confirming the civil marriage, the couple will face obstacles that prevent them from uniting [in another country] due to the different laws.

         Therefore, it is advised to consult a legal expert in personal status matters before making any attempts to arrange a marital relationship between two young people.

         Furthermore, marriage comes with responsibilities related to work and financial support, so it is important to pay attention to the fact that many states have strict laws regarding child labor that do not allow those under the legal age to work a certain number of hours and consider it an abuse to minors. For this reason, the parents or guardians [of young partners] must support them financially until they are able to depend on themselves.

Young Marriage

         Islam encourages young marriage and for the parents of both partners to act as a supportive platform until the spouses can fully rely on themselves. There are many narrations that encourage this. For example, it has been narrated from the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) that “When a young man marries in his youth, his devil roars: Oh woe, oh woe! Two-thirds of his religion is protected from me, he should fear Allah in the remaining third.”^[53] It was also narrated from him that “A man should be joyful that his daughter does not menstruate in his house.”^[54] Another narration from him states, “O’ people! Gabriel has delivered to me from the All-Aware, All-Kind that virgins are like fruits on a tree. If the fruit ripens and is not harvested, the sun spoils it and the winds scatter it. So are virgins, if they reach what women reach, they have no cure but marriage, otherwise they cannot be safe [from corruption] as they are human.” So a man stood and asked him, “‘O’ Messenger of God! To whom should we marry?’ He said, ‘The equals.’ The man asked,  “‘O’ Messenger of God, who are the equals?’ He said, ‘Believers are equal to one another. Believers are equal to one another.’”^[55]

         The sweetest age a person can spend sexually is the age of youth. If we do not create the appropriate atmosphere for young people to exercise their psychological and physical needs in an easy, natural, and simple way, then certainly they will be subject to corruption and deviation. The Devil will encourage them and whisper to them to perform masturbation, adultery, homosexuality, or even transgression of domestic animals, and this is something that the Holy Prophet warned against long ago, as it has been narrated that he (pbuh&hp) said, “Cursed is he who has intercourse with an animal.”^[56] Are we not in this era in which the Holy Prophet warned us?

Meeting and Choosing

How can one who seeks marriage know and choose the best life partner?

         This question may seem strange at first glance as the world we live in is a world of mixing and the sexes are able to [meet and know] each other without any barriers. However, after a little reflection and knowledge of the characteristics and qualities of a good husband and a good wife, it becomes clear that finding the right life partner is not that simple. It is a process of selecting and choosing a permanent life partner that can raise offspring and establish a good family. There are many good methods for meeting and choosing, that vary based on the situation, place, or time. Some of these ways are:

1. Direct knowledge, like factors of a relationship, fellowship in study or work, mutual friends, or common interests. Such kinds of knowledge are usually based on long periods of interaction in which the other person is tested in different fields, and there becomes a certain degree of comfort towards them. Perhaps, this is what Imam al-Sadiq (p) referred to in terms of experiences that a person can go through that help better know them, as it was narrated from him, “If you want to know the truth of your relationship with a brother, make him angry, if he continues to love you, then he is your brother, otherwise, he is not.”^[57]
2. Parental intervention is perhaps one of the simplest traditional methods that are in effect in many conservative societies to this day. It is family mediation and intervention to create a common space for young men and women to get to know each other. Here, the role of the parents will be a guiding one, with the final decision will be in the hands of the young men and women themselves. It is mentioned that a man came to Imam al-Sadiq (p) and told him that he wants to marry a woman, but his parents want him to marry someone else. The Imam said to him, “Marry the one you love and leave the one your parents love.”^[58] That is why when Ali asked for the hand of Fatima in marriage, even though it was a heavenly marriage the Prophet (pbuh&hp) had expected and waited for, he went and asked Fatima to accept it personally.
3. Asking others who know and have direct experience with the person can be another way to meet a potential spouse. Since cities are far from each other, and many people work in areas where there are not enough numbers to form a Muslim community, the opportunity to directly meet someone and get married can become difficult. Or perhaps because of a fleeting glance, the choice is made because of psychological attraction, and an inner sense of relief occurs, but a mere fleeting glance cannot convince the mind to take the leap forward to the final decision, so a conflict occurs between the mind and heart. The person is required in such a situation to ask others. It would be appropriate to seek the help of others who are socially connected to introduce the believers who wish to marry each other. It was narrated from the Commander of the Faithful (p) that “The best of intercessions is to intercede between two people in marriage until God brings them together.”^[59] It is necessary to note the possibility that some people may fall into favoritism, courtesy, and consideration of interests, so they do not tell the whole truth about the other person. That is why:

A) The introducer should be moderate and fair and not biased toward one person over the other for some interest, otherwise, he will fall into favoritism and disappoint the other person in him.

B) The introducer should not exaggerate anything, not praise outside the truth, and not hide some defects that could be a reason for not getting married. The origin, pillar, and essence of religion is advice, and it is not permissible to deceive a Muslim whatsoever. This is one of the exceptions to backbiting, so he must make sure to mention the defects that need to be mentioned intentionally in a way that does not belittle the other. There are those who take into account courtesies and personal relationships at the expense of these matters, but after a while, when the facts become clear, the blame will be more painful and it will be considered treason.

C) The introducer should be honest, trustworthy, and transparent. For “it is the believer’s right over another believer to advise him and not deceive him,” as mentioned in the holy texts.

• Direct meeting. It may be difficult for some people to meet others with the help of friends or family, and they may not even have the opportunity to ask other people about the person. In such a case, there is no religious issue with asking to know someone without mediation, as long as it is done with complete respect and good manners, within the religious frame, and far from anything that undermines honor.
• Social media is an available and very easy way of meeting others, but it is necessary to pay attention to some aspects of it that may not necessarily contribute to the success of the process. There are many fake accounts in which people falsely and fraudulently use pictures of others, and even accounts of real people may not reflect reality, as there is a great difference between filtered images and face-to-face meetings. In addition to this, the world of social media provides an easy way for a person to enter and leave any topic for the simplest and most insignificant reasons, and therefore it is not the best environment to establish a good family. However, this does not mean leaving it altogether, as there are many cases in which social media succeeded in introducing people, and supplemented with the help of face-to-face meetings, good relationships were made and strong families were established.
• The use of trusted marriage sites, such as this one.

The limits of looking at the fiancée

         What is the minimum allowed for each of the two parties to look at the other during the selection process? Is it just the first look? Is it permissible to look again with the purpose of contemplation? What is the line between sexually-motivated looking and rational, purposeful looking for the sake of good selection?

         From an Islamic point of view, the jurists allow the two to look at each other as much as they like, and they can even look at the other’s hair and body through thin clothes, on the condition that all of this does not cause suspicion and lust. It was narrated from Yunus Ibn Yaqub that he said, “I said to Abu Abdullah al-Sadiq (p), ‘A man wants to marry a woman, is it permissible for him to look at her?’ He said, ‘Yes, and make her clothes thinner for him, as he wants to [choose her as a life partner].          .’”^[60] He also said, ‘There is nothing wrong with him looking at her face and her wrists if he wants to marry her.’”^[61] He (p) was also asked if it is permissible for a man to look at a woman who he wants to marry, specifically her hair and beauties. He said, “There is nothing wrong with that if it is not for pleasure.”^[62] In their books of Islamic Law, jurists state that it is permissible to look at the face, hands, hair, beauties, and all of the body except for the private parts, on the condition that there is no pleasure. It is permissible to look several times if the purpose was not satisfied from the first look. It is also the woman’s right to do so as well.

Purpose and good choice of partner

         For God’s purpose of marriage to be achieved, and for the fruits of the marriage to bloom and be visible, there must be extreme precision when choosing the partner. A good marriage is the result of a good choice. Therefore, many specific recommendations were mentioned in the holy texts detailing the standards of choosing a life partner. In fact, religion prohibited marriage for temporary reasons. It was narrated that, “Whoever marries a woman only for her beauty, will not see in her what he loves, and whoever marries her for money, God will leave him (his prosperity) to himself, so you must (instead) seek the woman of faith.”^[63] It was also narrated that, “No Muslim man can benefit after Islam something better than a Muslim wife who brings him joy when he looks at her, obeys him when he orders her and protects herself and his wealth when he is away from her.”^[64] These standards are explained by the Prophet (pbuh&hp) in a narration in which he says, “When someone whose religion and trustworthiness you are pleased with proposes to (someone under your care), then marry to him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil in the land and great discord.”^[65] It was also narrated that a man came to Imam al-Hassan (p) to consult him about marrying his daughter. He said “Marry her to a pious man, for if he loves her, he will honor her, and if he dislikes her, he will not be unjust to her.”^[66] Likewise, it was narrated that the only qualifications for the spouse are that he is religious, believing, competent, neither higher nor less than his partner, and that he has the essentials for living. It was narrated from Imam al-Sadiq (p) that he explained in the following saying,  “The equal is he who is pious and capable [of providing the essentials of living].”^[67] In general, we should not forget the saying of the Almighty, “And virtuous women are for virtuous men, and virtuous men are for virtuous women”^[68] which is the standard of all standards.

Reality, not dreams

         One of the most important elements of a successful marriage, after making a good choice, is the sincerity of the intention to establish a family and seek nearness to God Almighty. Unfortunately, many live dreams far from reality, and imagine that marriage is something that can be abandoned at any moment. Some think the wife will be the Lady of the Women of the Worlds in all aspects of perfection and beauty, or that the husband will be the brave, wealthy, famous Knight in Shining Armor, and so on. The fact is that cinematic film culture has contributed greatly to creating an image in the minds of many young men and women of the “ideal life partner” that made it very difficult for them to accept anyone. When the years pass and it becomes too late, they regret the unrealistic expectations they had set.

Who can propose?

         Is it permissible for a young woman to propose to a young man? There is nothing impermissible about it. We must differentiate between [cultural] traditions and [religious] laws. However, despite this, the young woman should be careful of doing such thing as that may cause arrogance and pride, and be used to belittle and abuse her later on by saying that she was the one who proposed and the man did her a favor in accepting since he did not want her to feel bad. Some suggest that the innate characteristic of [sexual] abstinence in females is a positive characteristic that enhances the young woman’s chastity and preserves her dignity. Therefore, it is not necessary for the young woman to propose, and perhaps it is better for her not to so that she does not put herself in an embarrassing situation in the future, God forbid.

Positive Qualities in the Husband

         Many times, the preferred qualities in a husband differ based on the different cultures, characters, and preferences, but there are some that are so important from the Islamic point of view and are capable of either building or destroying the family, that guidance was given that encouraged the good qualities and warned of the bad ones. For example, the holy texts emphasized the importance of the qualities of religiosity, which is acting on a religious basis, having good morals, and having a profession. The Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) said, “Marry the equals, marry to them, and choose for your children (meaning choose a partner who would be good for raising your children).”^[69] Imam al-Sadiq (p) clarified the meaning of an “equal” by saying “the equal is he who is pious and capable [of providing the essentials of living].”^[70] It was also narrated from the Messenger of God (pbuh&hp) that  “When someone whose religion and trustworthiness you are pleased with proposes to (someone under your care), then marry to him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil in the land and great discord.”^[71] God has honored every man without exception and has made the criterion for judgment, piety, and morals, and this is why Islam does not permit the rejection of a religious, pious, honest person for any other reason, such as lineage or ethnicity. Some Muslim communities do not accept this and if, for example, a converted believer or someone of a different background comes to them, they do not easily accept him. But that is against the principles upon which Islam was established, such as respecting all humans and their dignity: “Indeed, We have dignified the children of Adam, carried them on land and sea, granted them good and lawful provisions, and privileged them far above many of Our creatures.”^[72] In a narration from the Prophet (pbuh&hp), he says, “You are all from Adam, and Adam is from dust. Surely, the most noble of you in the sight of God is the most righteous among you, and an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab, rather superiority is in righteousness.”^[73] The only qualifications required by Islam are the following:

1.    Piety

         The man, with his privileges and the duties entrusted to him towards the family, needs a high degree of piety, which is the fear of God Almighty, so he does not disobey Him in performing a duty or by committing a forbidden act. It was narrated that a man came to Imam al-Hassan (p) to consult him about marrying his daughter he said “Marry her to a pious man, for if he loves her, he will honor her, and if he dislikes her, he will not be unjust to her.”^[74] Moreover, the character of the pious believer is generosity and giving. If he loves the spouse, he will be very generous to her, he will give the most precious things for the sake of his beloved, and if the circumstances of living, the nature of the partner, or any other reason may cause dispassion in the relationship at some point in time, his piety will intervene and prevent him from being unjust because he is a believer who fears God’s punishment and justice. So piety is necessary in preserving the rights of the partner.

2.    Trust

         Marriage is a project that requires trust. The woman will be entrusted with the man, his privacies, possessions, and secrets, and the man will be entrusted with the woman, her privacies, possessions, and secrets. It is very shameful to see some couples that end up in divorce start revealing each other’s secrets to get revenge, breaking their sacred trust, when in fact doing so destroys them and belittles the rights of both. The reason for this is nothing but a lack of care for the trust. God Almighty described the righteous believers by saying, “And those who are faithful to their trusts and their covenant,”^[75] and in defining the real, true believer, the Prophet (pbuh&hp) said, “Do not look at their many prayers, fasting, pilgrimage, almsgiving, doing good, and night prayers, look at their truthfulness and trustworthiness.”^[76] Islam has placed it as a required qualification in spouses who want their marriage to be successful. It was narrated from the Prophet (pbuh&hp) that “When someone whose religion and trustworthiness you are pleased with proposes to (someone under your care), then marry to him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil in the land and great discord.”^[77] A part of this “trustworthiness” is being able to trust them with the other person. The wife is entrusted with the husband, and the husband is entrusted to the wife, therefore they must protect each other. That is why the Commander of the Faithful (p) said when he buried al-Zahra (p) at the grave of her father, the Messenger of God (pbuh&hp), “The trust has been returned,”^[78] meaning that he was entrusted with al-Zahra, and now the time has come for her to be returned to her family.

3.    Good manners

         Good manners are the essence of a happy life. God described His final Prophet (pbuh&hp) in the best way when He said, “And indeed, you are of great moral character.”^[79] It was narrated from the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) that he said, “You will not be able to encompass people with your wealth, so encompass them with your manners.”^[80] If this recommendation is for all people, then it is definitely more important in life partners.

Negative Qualities in a Husband

         The Holy narrations warned and alerted us of negative traits and characteristics that would destroy the family, demolish rights, and bring transgression and injustice if they are present in a man. If such characteristics are present, he must not be married, honored, or valued until he changes himself and becomes righteous. These traits are:

1.    Drinking Alcohol

         Alcohol takes away the greatest blessing bestowed by God on man, which is the blessing of the mind. If the mind is gone, everything is gone. Therefore, we must expect all kinds of violations and transgressions, including murder. We do not need to prove this, as drinking is a cause in almost every news report of a fatal accident. It was narrated by Imam al-Ridha (p) to “Beware of marrying [your daughter] to a drinker, for marrying [her] to him is like leading [her] to adultery.”^[81] It was also narrated from Imam al-Sadiq (p) that “He who marries his daughter to an alcohol drinker has cut off her family ties.”^[82]

2.    Bad Manners

         Marital life is based on love, affection, and respect. The Almighty said, “And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect.”^[83] But when affection, respect, appreciation, and love do not exist, then they will be replaced by hate and disrespect, so problems begin, issues increase, and the fate of the marriage will be divorce, an act which angers God Almighty. Therefore, the narrations have warned against marrying someone of bad character, even if he is a relative. Someone wrote to Imam al-Ridha (p) saying, “‘I have a relative who has asked my daughter’s hand in marriage, but has bad manners.’ He (p) said, ‘Do not marry to him if he has bad manners.’”^[84]

3.    Excessive Doubting

         There are some who are afflicted with mental illnesses as a result of which they excessively doubt. They doubt the soundness of their faith, for example, or the correctness of their behavior, or the correctness of performing their prayers, and then the doubt reaches even the chastity of their honor, so they accuse their wives and then the family collapses. By even living with such a person and as a result of some of the duties imposed on the husband in Islam, the failure to take into account this illness of doubt in the partner prior to marriage may cause the wife to become affected by him, so she, too, becomes doubtful. That is why many narrations from the virtuous Imams (p) have discouraged marrying a doubter.^[85]

Positive Qualities of a Wife

         There are also preferred qualities in the wife. Many times, the preferred qualities differ based on the different cultures, characters, and preferences, but there are some that are so important from the Islamic point of view and are capable of either building or destroying the family. It encourages good qualities and warns of the bad ones. Some of these required qualities and praised traits include the following:

1.    Religious commitment

         This does not only mean being Muslim, but also applying it by performing duties such as prayers, honoring one’s parents, wearing the hijab, and so on, as well as abstaining from sins, like beautification for other than the husband and unnecessarily socializing with men. The Prophet (pbuh&hp) summarized the qualities of those who want a successful marriage and a wife that would be a good mother and educator for their children by saying, “Women are married for four reasons: money, faith, beauty, and lineage. You should marry the one with faith.”^[86] He also said, “One of the causes of man’s happiness is a righteous wife.”^[87] It was narrated from Imam al-Sadiq (p) that he said, “Be careful where you put yourself, with whom you share your money, and to whom you reveal your faith and secret.”^[88] This comes with the tasks and duties required from her, as they cannot be performed without righteousness.

2.    Noble Family

         It is not necessary for the girl’s family to be from a noble family to be sure of her honor, status, and value, as many righteous and honorable believers did not descend from religious families at all and were included in the blessings and special cares of God Almighty. However, based on a social examination, we find that family has a great influence on the girl’s personality in the vast majority of people. If the family is honorable, conservative, religious, and virtuous, this often appears in the girl, even in the simplest degrees. It is narrated from the Prophet that he said in a sermon, “O’ people, beware of the green of feces.” He was asked, “O’ Messenger of God, what is the green of feces?” He said, “A beautiful woman in a bad environment.”^[89] That is, a woman who comes from a bad family, from which she was raised and grew up, so she is affected by their morals and behavior. Therefore, in general, the more honorable the girl’s family is, the more this will appear in her and her behavior.

3.    Pregnancy and Fertility

         Since the main goal of marriage is the continuity of offspring, it is necessary to provide the possibility of giving birth. The ability to conceive and give birth constitutes an advantage and a basic incentive to marry a woman, especially if it is accompanied by good morals and being kind. Imam al-Sadiq (p) described the ideal wife as the fertile, kind, good-mannered one who helps her husband in his duties.^[90] It is not difficult to find out whether a woman is fertile or not. In the past, medicine provided methods that could determine it, but today, thanks to scientific and technological advancements in medicine, it is easy to know whether the couple is capable of pregnancy and childbearing. The same applies to good manners and kindness. It can be easily determined through proper communication with the girl, as well as asking mutual friends and relatives.

4.    Good manners

         Good manners are the essence of a happy life, rather they are the essence of happiness itself. God described His Final Prophet (pbuh&hp) in the best way when He said, “And indeed, you are of great moral character.”^[91] It was narrated from the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp), “You will not be able to encompass people with your wealth, so encompass them with your manners.”^[92] If this recommendation is for all people, then it is definitely more important in life partners. It was narrated specifically regarding the wife that she should be “kind,”^[93] and that the man should choose wisely as she will be an adornment for him and a mirror that reflects his character. It was narrated by Imam al-Sadiq (p) that, “A woman is a necklace, so choose well what you will wear.”^[94]

Negative Qualities in a Wife

         There are also many negative qualities that Islam warned of and encouraged not to choose a life partner who has them. For example, Islam discourages marrying a foolish woman, who cannot think rationally for herself and acts like a child who does not know what is best for herself or her family and children. It was narrated by the Prophet (pbuh&hp) to “Beware of marrying a foolish wife, for accompanying her is an affliction and having children with her is a loss.”^[95] Living with such a woman causes loss of the marital life, as well as loss of the children who are meant to be the fruits of this marriage who maintain society with their education and upbringing, and not the opposite by becoming a burden on society.

         Likewise, it was narrated that Imam al-Sadiq (p) discouraged marrying “loud” women who shout when they speak, “moving” women who are not stable in their homes, and “gossiping” women who gossip and backbite, causing problems between people.^[96]

Marrying non-Muslims

         The Almighty says, “Do not marry polytheistic women until they believe, for a believing slave-woman is better than a free polytheist, even though she may look pleasant to you. And do not marry your women to polytheistic men until they believe, for a believing slave-man is better than a free polytheist, even though he may look pleasant to you. They invite [you] to the Fire while God invites [you] to Paradise and forgiveness by His grace. He makes His revelations clear to the people so perhaps they will be mindful.”^[97]

         The Holy Quran made its stance clear on a Muslim marrying a non-Muslim, in regards to both men and women, and the jurists explain many details concerning this issue. In summary, Muslim men can only marry non-Muslim women who are from the People of the Book (Christians and Jews). But Muslim women cannot marry non-Muslims. The reason for this may be that the wife is required to obey her husband in many things as he is responsible for her and the family religiously, and this may go against fulfilling her religious duties towards her Lord, religion, and faith which may not be respected or of importance to her non-Muslim husband, putting her in a situation in which she has to choose between obeying God and obeying her husband. That is one reason. Another reason is that issues will eventually rise regarding how to raise their children, their education, and religious identity, as it is well-known that people like to have their religious and intellectual identity passed down to their children.  How could children be raised by parents of two different religious identities? It would be very difficult and will require making many difficult decisions and may lead to uncertain results. Therefore, it is very important for those who aim for a successful marriage and a good future for their children to think many times before deciding to marry someone of a different religion.

Marriage and Istikhara (Seeking Counsel from God)

         Firstly, the topic of istikhara itself requires proper understanding and precision. God Almighty armed the believers with the Holy Quran and the teachings of the Prophet and his Infallible Successors (p) like He armed them with logic and ordered them to seek advice and wisdom wherever it is. So if all of that is done and a conclusion is not reached, the believer should then depend on Allah and accept His decision. This applies to all aspects of life that require making difficult decisions. Hence, there are three steps a believer should go through when making a decision. The first step is to use his mind and logic to study the issue from all sides. If he cannot reach a decision, he should ask the advice of those with expertise and knowledge. Finally, if he cannot reach a decision, like in cases where the experts have different opinions, he should either choose one of the opinions or move on to the step of istikhara if he likes. When he chooses istikhara, he will then ask Allah for help in determining what is best. This can be understood from the answer of his eminence the jurist Sayyid Ali al-Husayni al-Sistani when he answered a question regarding the permissibility of istikhara and using the Holy Quran to settle on a decision. He said “It is permissible to depend on Istikhara, but only after being unable to settle on a decision after studying it and taking counsel from people of expertise as well as advice from family and friends. If you are still not sure and cannot choose, istikhara can help you choose. Furthermore, ‘revealing the unknown’ is not a purpose of istikhara.”^[98]

         The same process applies in marriage. If the necessary qualities are present in the other person, and they have met and known each other, why don’t they put their trust in Allah and go ahead. But if they are not sure, they should ask more about the person and ask friends and family for advice until they are comfortable with their choice. Then, if they are still not comfortable and some things about the other person are not clear and cannot be known, there is no issue with doing istikhara. Sayyid Ali al-Husayni al-Sistani was asked, “Do you recommend taking istikhara when deciding on marriage?” He answered, “If after consulting others, you are still not sure, there is no issue with it (istikhara).”^[99]

         It is important to note that Istikhara is exclusively meant for the young man who is unable to choose a girl, or for the girl who is unsure of the proposing man, and not for anyone else like the parents or guardians. In another question, girls were asking if their fathers have the authority to intervene and reject young men who proposed on the basis of Istikhara leading to an alarming delay in their marriage. His eminence Sayyid Ali al-Husayni al-Sistani answered, “The father should not make Istikhara in regards to his daughter’s marriage if her religious and social equal asks for her hand unless the girl approves, as Istikhara is only for the person who is religiously-responsible for making the choice. Furthermore, the father’s approval is religiously irrelevant if he rejects her marriage to someone equal to her.”^[100]

Determining the Intellectual Identity Prior to Marriage

         After getting to know each other and being convinced of the choice they made by at least having the required religious qualifications met, and to guarantee a successful future and blessed marriage, both sides should not rush into making the religious contract before confirming the soundness of the intellectual and cultural mentality of the other.

         Even if they both are Muslim and come from a Muslim family, the young man or girl may carry ideas, mentalities, or traditions that must be paid attention to because of their practical impact on the future of the marriage, children, and even family and friends. This is a point that many may overlook and not give importance to, despite it being a core issue sometimes.

         From experience, we find that most of our young men and women fall prey to two kinds of intellectual and cultural trends that may negatively affect their lives as believing Muslims who should only follow Islamic culture and way of thinking. One kind of trend is to be affected by ethnic, cultural, and tribal traditions because being in such conservative societies forces the young man or woman to follow their traditions. The second kind of trend that has swept our modern life is the liberal culture that may, consciously or unconsciously, affect our young men and women. If both partners do not discuss these issues prior to the marriage, and leave it for nature to decide, they would naturally face challenging times later on that can no longer be bridged or repaired.

         Being open and clarifying thoughts and intellectual convictions, and determining the Islamic thoughts from non-Islamic ones before making the religious marriage contract that comes with many duties and responsibilities, is very important for those who seek a healthy and successful marriage.

Love Before and After Marriage

         Love is a natural feeling that cannot be defined as it is internal and sentimental. At best, it can be expressed with words or behaviors that imply positive interest in the other, be it a person, flower, animal, vehicle, or house, and it is of two kinds: Temporary, fleeting love that ends when its purpose is attained, and permanent, established love that is difficult to abandon. An example of temporary love is driving a sports car, when the person obtains the car and drives it, after some time he will lose his interest in it, and may even sell it. Another example is favorite foods, as the person eats the food and becomes full, he loses interest in it and can no longer feel its flavor. Hence, these are temporary kinds of love based on desire and temporary interest. On the other hand, there is permanent love that cannot be given up like humans’ innate love of God Almighty, parents, children, loyal friends, and things that they created or bought that are very important to them to the extent that they do not give them up even if they are old and unusable, and instead consider them antiques.

         The same applies to love between young men and women. It may either be temporary or permanent. Temporary love is based on intense feelings that usually accompany the age of adolescence, especially during the rise of sexual hormones and temptations. That is why a young man may fall in love with a young woman by one look, word, or movement from her, and based on that, fantasies and imaginary stories are made that can sometimes reach degrees very far from reality. But after the age of adolescence and sexual pressure ends, the partners change and realize that everything that happened was far from wisdom, reason, and logic, and was only based on feelings and emotions. In fact, they may even feel guilty for having been attracted to such a person with whom they cannot raise a family or have a future. Unfortunately, this sometimes leads to marriage, but naturally, such a marriage will collide with reality at some point, and then they can either accept the reality and live an undesirable life, or separate and go through a divorce which is very disliked and has many problems and consequences, especially when there are children.

         True love is that which occurs with and after marriage. It is love that originates from knowing each other very well; knowing their thoughts, and nature, and is the purpose of marriage and life. As well as how to help each other fulfill their purposes in this life and the afterlife. Such partners will undoubtedly have a deep-rooted love for each other as it is based on spiritual, logical, and mental connections, not just sex. Sex and desires are fleeting things that end when their purpose is fulfilled and their time is over. But spiritual and intellectual needs remain until the end of the person’s life. This is how we can explain marriages that may appear “strange” to some people, like those with a large difference in age, different cultures or backgrounds, as well as ethnicities and nationalities. It is the human spirit, pure logic, and real need that harmonize with the other, forming such unity. This comes with sacrifices and patience, but true love here makes possible all that which seems impossible.

         We hope that young men and women think carefully about overcoming temporary love, and look for someone who can fulfill their needs in a true, permanent, stable love.

After choosing, but before making the marriage contract

         After knowing the required qualities and making sure that the other has them, but before making the marriage contract, they must know that such a contract undergoes two stages: legal and religious.

         Legally, as citizens who have rights and duties towards the constitution and laws of the country in which they reside, it is necessary to have the sufficient and necessary knowledge of the applicable personal status laws and to arrange the necessary official papers to officially establish the marriage. The lack of adequate knowledge of such resources may lead the partners to fall into problems and face obstacles that are considered a violation of the constitution and laws.

         On the other hand, religiously, the marriage contract is as God Almighty described it, “a firm commitment.”^[101] Therefore, any negligence that leads to violating the rights of the partners is considered a sin in the Divine system. Before anything, the believer has a sentimental obligation towards God to find this commitment and then will feel any shortcoming in his partner’s rights as a sin before God Almighty. Then, when they feel this responsibility before God, they must learn the marital rights in the Islamic Legal System as it is a system that seeks to fulfill the divine purpose of a holy marriage, and there is no excuse for not knowing it, as it is the duty of the partners to learn and know these rights.

         Many times, partners invite a religious cleric to recite Quran and some prayers, then perform the marriage contract between the partners. Then, they think that the marriage contract is done. Although technically the marriage contract is finished, it has not been completed in the required form. Any man or woman can perform the marriage contract themselves without the need for a third party, but the cleric is invited for two purposes: the first purpose is to assure the partners that the marriage contract was done right by someone who knows the Islamic Law, as well as to embalm the event with Quran and prayers. The second purpose is to explain the religious rights and duties of the partners and to give them advice that strengthens their relationship and marriage. Unfortunately, only the first purpose is fulfilled in reality. Therefore, we recommend, rather we oblige, those who seek to make a marriage contract to know enough (about their rights and duties) so that they do not commit any religious mistakes later on.

What topics should be discussed and known before marriage?

         The priorities and interests of the partners may differ, but in general, there are some important topics that must be discussed, that no two who seek marriage cannot think about. Such topics include:

– Setting the date and time of the marriage and wedding.

– Specifying the invitees, sending invitations, and discussing the ceremony, its place, and budget.

– Specifying the dowry; whether or not it is of two stages (muqaddam and mu’akhar), whether or not it includes spiritual gifts like the Hajj pilgrimage, visiting the holy shrines, or a copy of the Holy Quran and under what circumstances will they be given and when, as well as discussing the legal aspect of ownership if a problem occurs, God forbid.

– Researching the details and conditions of the marriage contract that can be accepted or rejected for a more successful and guaranteed marriage.

– Discussing the financial aspect of the marriage, such as work, monthly salary, and how the partners can cooperate financially if possible.

– Discussing the monthly budget, items bought, and what is necessary and unnecessary in that regard.

– Discussing vacation, religious tourism, and whether or not it is important.

– Discussing and looking for places to live like apartments or houses, and whether it will be near family or not, or if it is a university dorm if both partners are studying and are yet to graduate.

– Discussing the topic of pregnancy, birth, appropriate timing, days off work, and the availability of a relative who can stay close to the partners during, before, and after the pregnancy.

– Discussing the importance of respecting and having affection for both partners’ families, and if there are certain details that need attention and careful treatment to prevent any negative or unexpected outcomes that may affect the marital home.

– Discussing any other topic of importance to the partners that were not mentioned above.

Expectations and Thoughts

         When discussing any topic with the other, it is natural to face differences in points of view and to know that the other may see something which you may not. It is also important to remember that the nature of men differs by instinct from that of women, so the perception, point-of-view, or understanding does not have to be the same.

         The most important factor in resolving issues and narrowing gaps in opinions is understanding the other, their background, and their way of thinking. So if the man and woman focus on the similarities that are important to them and the characteristics that distinguish them, and give them their right to have such characteristics, things will pass smoothly and in the best way possible.

         Therefore, the partners should not jump to expectations leaving reality behind. Rather, they should study the possibilities, reach a mutual understanding, and accept the other’s opinion if they know better. Only then, will the decisions taken be fruitful and successful. Furthermore, they can strengthen their decisions with the experiences and opinions of others, as well as patience in seeing the results, as it increases contentment, and creates acceptance and satisfaction.

         If an argument, or even stubbornness, occurs, the other should be flexible, ask for time to further study the issue, or ignore it and leave it for the partner to decide, as life does not always require everything we want to happen, and love and protecting the rights of the other and the sanctity of the marital home is greater and much more important than any desire or expectation of them.

Marital Rights

         Islam gives great importance to rights and warns of tampering with them. It always warns of the Divine power and dominance of God Almighty above all things. The Almighty says, “As for the sky, He raised it, and set the balance [of justice], so that you do not defraud the scales. Weigh with justice, and do not give short measure.”^[102] The vanguard of these rights are marital rights that are the effect of the marriage contract. This contract is very dangerous and is a great agreement to which Islam gave great importance. The Quran described this contract as a firm commitment, the Almighty says, “and they have taken from you a firm commitment?”^[103] That is because of its great purpose in the sight of God Almighty, establishing the Divine marital home. Therefore, as soon as the contract takes place, both partners are obliged with rights and duties that they must know well so that they do not neglect or perform any injustice for which they would deserve punishment in the afterlife, God forbid. God Almighty ordered us to know them so that we can perform, comply with, and submit to them, and not to think that the other has better rights or so on. The Almighty says, “And do not crave what God has given some of you over others. Men will be rewarded according to their deeds and women [equally] according to theirs. Rather, ask God for His bounties. Surely God has [perfect] knowledge of all things.”^[104] So, there are three kinds of rights: mutual rights, rights of the wife, and rights of the husband, which will be explained.

Mutual Rights

         As soon as the religious contract is made between two people, a religious relationship is made between them, and they are both obliged with rights and duties. Some of these rights and duties are mutual. Both partners must work together to achieve these mutual rights. Such rights include:

1. Thanking the Bestower and Praising Him

         The blessings of God are unlimited as the Holy Quran states, “…If you tried to count Allah’s blessings, you would never be able to number them.”^[105] The vanguard of these blessings is a righteous wife or husband. Therefore, it is logically obligatory for them to thank the Bestower. Thanking is an indicator of human logic and wisdom, and it also helps keep the blessing. The Almighty says, “Indeed, We blessed Luqman with wisdom, [saying], Be grateful to Allah, for whoever is grateful, it is only for their own good. And whoever is ungrateful, then surely Allah is Self-Sufficient, Praiseworthy.”^[106] Therefore, we see that Imam Ali Ibn al-Hussain al-Sajjad (p) places the right of Thanking and Praising God as the first mutual marital right in his Treatise on Rights, he says, “Both of you should thank God for the other and know that they are a blessing from Him, and you must treat the blessing of God well.”^[107] Partners thanking each other for what they give to each other increases love and affection between them. It also increases the Divine blessings to both.

2. Overnight Stay

         One of the purposes of marriage is to find comfort and peace of mind as the Almighty says “And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them.”^[108] A large portion of that is achieved by fulfilling the right of overnight stay for both the husband and wife. The right of overnight stay is the right of each to sleep in the same bed. God Almighty has made the night a time of rest for his creatures to return to their nests and have some rest, comfort, safety, and stability. The Almighty says, “and made the night as a cover.”^[109] So at night, the human should cover himself from others after a long day of work and dealing with others and their needs. So the term “a cover” means that it frees the human from all that which restricts him during the day, and allows him to take full freedom in his home and shelter as he likes. Since the home, shelter, or place of personal freedom is shared with your life partner, they are trusted with your secrets and are a garment that protects you. The Almighty says, “They are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them.”^[110] Therefore, for the marriage to succeed, this right must be preserved. The partners cannot abandon each other so that they each sleep in an individual bed or room without a religious excuse, as that would no longer make them “a garment” for each other. Islam has obligated the husband to at least sleep one of four nights with his wife on the same bed. It has also made it impermissible to leave her for more than four months without a religious excuse. It has also obligated the wife to sleep in her husband’s bed and not to leave it as long as he preserves her rights.

3. Looking towards each other

         As we explained, one of the purposes of marriage in Islam is to feel settled and be able to perform the sexual right in a religious, clean, pure, and blessed way to increase love and affection. Islam, not only obligated the right of overnight stay upon the partners, but also the right of looking towards each other. That is, for them to sleep with their faces towards each other rather than their backs so that if there is any sexual need it can be fulfilled.

4. Pleasure

         The purpose of both the right of overnight stay and look towards each other is sexual pleasure, which is a right guaranteed to both partners. It is impermissible for either of the partners to distance themself from performing sexual intercourse with their partner for some weak, religiously-unacceptable excuse. In fact, Islam gave recommended and disliked acts in sexual intercourse to fulfill the sexual need in the best way possible that maintains purity and prevents perversion. Some of these recommendations that Islam gave were in regard to how the husband should treat the wife’s needs. That is because women have a different mechanism for achieving sexual pleasure than men. It was narrated from the Commander of the Faithful (p) that, “If one of you wants to have sexual intercourse with their wife, he should not rush her, as women have needs.”^[111] He also advised the wife to prepare herself and not have shame around her husband.

5. Living in Kindness

         The Almighty says, “And live with them in kindness,”^[112] and He says, “And women have rights equal to their obligations in accordance with what is kind.”^[113] Living in kindness is necessary and essential in a calm, successful, human life. It can be described as mutual respect, appreciation, and love, as well as not insulting or harming the other. There are many guidelines that have been narrated regarding taking more care of the wife as she is innately softer and weaker than the man, and these two factors are directly related to some kinds of rights violations. The Holy Messenger many times spoke of this and praised the men who take care of their wives. It has been narrated from him, “The best men of my nation are those who do not insult their wives, rather have sympathy for them, and do not commit injustice towards them.”^[114] It was also narrated from Imam al-Sadiq (p) that he advised some men to preserve their wives’ rights: “and he (the man) should not insult her (the wife).”^[115] Some men may be stubborn, and choose to intentionally hurt their wives, forcing the wives to give up their dowry to get rid of them and gain a divorce. In such cases, the man may see himself as a winner and that his purpose of hurting and oppressing his wife worked. But in reality, God Almighty and His Messenger are far from such a person who committed many forbidden injustices towards his wife that forced her to leave him. Furthermore, the money that the wife was forced to pay is considered unlawful and a form of stolen possession. It has been narrated from the Prophet (pbuh&hp) that “Surely, God and His Messenger are far from he who hurts his wife until she asked for a divorce from him.”^[116] As for physically assaulting the wife, the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) said, “I am amazed by he who assaults his wife when (in reality) he deserves to be assaulted more than her.”^[117] The same is true for the wife if she makes her husband’s life difficult, insulting him and violating his rights. The Holy Prophet also commanded her to respect and appreciate her husband. It has been narrated from the Prophet (pbuh&hp) that he said, “Woe to a woman who angers her husband and blessed is she whose husband is pleased of.”^[118] There is no doubt that angering is a kind of forbidden assault. It has been narrated from the Prophet (pbuh&hp) that he said, “If someone has a wife who hurts him, her prayers and good deeds are not accepted until she pleases and helps him, [they are not accepted without his pleasure] even if she fasts forever.”^[119] In summary, living in kindness is a necessity and mutual right that must be preserved in the best way possible.

Rights of the Wife

         After knowing the mutual marital rights, we will discuss the individual rights of both the husband and wife. The reason for this individuality is the difference in nature and creation of each as a male and female, and the duties and responsibilities of each in accordance to the benefit of the family, and not to favor one gender over the other as some imagine, or as others claim to accuse Islam of sexism and discrimination.

         Women are gentle creatures that have special characteristics that distinguish them. Therefore, the Creator made specific rights that suit them, their nature, and their creation. The Prophet (pbuh&hp) always ordered to take good care of women: “The best of you is he who treats his women well, and I am the best of you in treating my women well.”^[120] Imam al-Sajjad (p) also stated in his Treatise for Rights when speaking of the wife’s individual rights to the husband, “The right of your wife is that you know that God has made her a repose and a comfort for you.” Hence, there are several individual rights for the wife which we will discuss:

1. Financial Support

         This includes providing shelter, clothing, and food. Islam has obliged the husband to provide these to the wife based on his financial ability and known customs, without being stingy or extravagant. The Almighty says, “Let them live where you live [during their waiting period], according to your means. And do not harass them to make their stay unbearable.”^[121] It has been narrated from Imam al-Sadiq (p) that a woman came to the Prophet and asked of the right of a woman to her husband. So the Prophet (pbuh&hp) said, “To satisfy her hunger, cover her private parts, and not to insult her. If he does so, he has, by God, fulfilled her rights.”^[122] It was also narrated that Ishaq Ibn Ammar asked Imam Abu Abdullah al-Sadiq (p) about the right of a woman to her husband and whether he would be considered beneficent if he fulfilled them. He (p) said, “To satisfy her [hunger], cover her [body], and forgive her if she is ignorant.”^[123] Islam not only calls to fulfilling duties but to go beyond by being beneficent and providing leisure to the family. It was narrated from the Prophet (pbuh&hp) that “When a servant earns [money] and spends it on his family, God gives him for every dirham seven-hundred more.”^[124] The right to financial support is fixed even if the wife is wealthy and does not need it unless she gives up this right. She could also help her husband grow financially, like the Mother of the Believers Lady Khadija (p) when she put all of her trade and properties under the care of Prophet Muhammed (pbuh&hp) for the service of the religion and Divine message. If the husband neglects this right, he is considered neglectful, and the wife would have the right to make an appeal to the religious authority to force him to give financial support or let her go through a divorce, and if he does not agree, the religious authority can divorce her in spite of him.

2. Intercourse

         Marriage satisfies the sexual need of humans in the correct and sound religious way that Allah Almighty ordained through this institution. Fulfilling the sexual need helps to promote virtue and purity, and to avoid everything that calls for corruption and sexual perversion. Just as the husband has this right, the wife also has it, and it is impermissible for any reason or excuse to leave the wife without fulfilling this right of hers. All jurists mention in their rulings, which are based on the Quran and authentic narrations, that it is not permissible to abstain from sexual intercourse with one’s wife, especially if she is a young woman. Rather, Islam went beyond that, as there are many narrations and recommendations regarding the importance of “preparation,” which is to prepare oneself in a way that arouses and stimulates sexual arousal if it does not occur spontaneously and naturally, in order to maintain this right and make the marital life more intimate. It was narrated from Tharwan al-Madaini that he said, “‘I came to Abi al-Hassan the Second, Imam al-Kadhim (p), and it seemed as if he had dyed [his hair and beard], so I said, may I be sacrificed for you, did you dye [you hair]?’ He said, ‘Yes, dyeing is a rewarded act. Do you not know that preparation increases purity in women? Would you like to enter with your wife [for intercourse] and have her see you in such an unprepared way?’ I, (meaning Tharwan), said, ‘No.’ He said, ‘It is that.’”^[125] It was narrated from Imam al-Baqir (p) that he said, “Women like to see their men in the same beautiful way that men like to see their women.”^[126]

3. Delayed Dowry

         Different people and cultures have different approaches to dowry, as Islam did not specify one form for it. Some people divide it into two stages: a hastened (muqaddam) dowry and a delayed (mu’akhar) dowry. The hastened dowry is what the husband gives the wife immediately during the marriage ceremony, like gold, jewels, money, wedding dresses, or bedroom sets. While the delayed dowry may be a promise to take her to perform the Hajj pilgrimage, visit the blessed shrines of the Infallibles (p), buy her a piece of land, an apartment, or even give her money. Usually, this is delayed to a later time, therefore it is called “delayed dowry.” If such a dowry is agreed on, and the husband does not give it for some reason, it remains a debt that he owes the wife. Then if he dies, the value of the dowry must be taken from his inheritance before performing the will and dividing it as God Almighty ordered. However, Islam does encourage the woman to grant her dowry to her husband during his life and promises a great reward saying that “God will remove for her the difficulties of the grave and will place her with Fatema al-Zahra on the Day of Resurrection.”^[127] The reason for this is that it increases “intimacy and love.”^[128]

4. Inheritance

         As part of the family rights system in Islam, the rights of the wife to her deceased husband’s inheritance are preserved, and no one can restrain her from the inheritance under the pretext that she is not related through blood like the parents, children, or siblings. The Islamic system of inheritance classifies heirs into classes. The first class is the parents and children of the deceased. If no one of the first class is alive, the second class, who are the siblings inherit the deceased. If no one of the second class is alive, the third class, who are the uncles and aunts, inherit the deceased.

         However, the wife inherits her husband in all cases. If he has children, she inherits 1/8th of his inheritance, and if he does not have children, she inherits 1/4th of the inheritance. God Almighty has repeatedly warned of not giving the rights of inheritance. He says after explaining the laws of inheritance in chapter Al Nisa, “And whoever disobeys God and His Messenger and exceeds their limits will be cast into Hell, to stay there forever. And they will suffer a humiliating punishment.”^[129]

Rights of the Husband

         In view of the many and vast rights of the wife at all psychological, physical, financial, and moral levels, Islam has also given specific rights to the husband over the wife to fulfill justice and create complete family harmony. The rights of the husband are of such great importance that the Messenger (pbuh&hp) said, “The person with the greatest right upon a woman is her husband, and the person with the greatest right upon a man is his mother.”^[130] In another narration that showcases the greatness of these rights, Imam al-Baqir (p) says, “There is nothing more successful in interceding for a woman before her Lord than the pleasure of her husband, and when Fatima (p) passed away, the Commander of the Faithful (p) said, “O’ Lord, I am pleased with the daughter of Your Prophet. O’ Lord, she feels lonely, so ease her loneliness.”^[131] In another narration, “A woman cannot fulfill the right of God Almighty before fulfilling the right of her husband.”^[132] All of these narrations remind us of the importance of the husband’s rights and fulfilling them in the best way possible to gain their benefit. These rights are:

1. Compliance

         There is always a misunderstanding of Compliance or as mentioned in jurisprudence obedience (taa’ah: Arabic: طاعة). To understand what is meant by obedience here, we must review the basic principles of Islam. Islam sees family as an institution and not as individuals. Family is a human institution with members, each of whom has rights and duties. The husband, for example, has rights and duties, and the wife has rights and duties, and later when they have children, they too have rights and duties, and so do their parents. Based on this, we can understand the holy verse, “Men are the caretakers of women, as men have been provisioned by God over women and tasked with supporting them financially”^[133] to mean that men are caretakers in the sense that they manage, lead, and take care of the family. It becomes clear that the reason they must be obeyed is simply that the other members of the institution must obey their leadership for the institution to be successful in its mission. It is very normal for members of the same institution to disagree and their disagreement can reach far degrees, and the members should express their suggestions and remind others of them, but nonetheless, they must continue to support the institutional entity (the family) and not make it vulnerable. Therefore, it is the husband’s right as the director, caretaker, and leader to be obeyed by the members of the family, led by the wife, for the safety of the family.

         It is not wrong or embarrassing to speak of the private matters between the partners, meaning sex, as it has a great role in increasing love, comfort, and tranquility in the family home. Therefore, it is important for the partners to fulfill their needs whenever they have to, especially the husband as he is usually under sexual pressure from the factors of beauty that God placed in women. Yes, [momentary] abstinence is a beautiful innate quality in women that helps excite the man and arouse him sexually, but it should not continue to the extent that brings moral vileness and lowness and deprives the man of his right. In fact, the reason for this quality is to attract the man and arouse him to then obey and give him what he expects from his wife in bed, satisfying him and his needs.

         This is one of the purposes of marriage in Islam: to preserve the man’s purity and his religion so that he does not fall into unlawful relationships outside the limits of family. Islam has warned of the consequences of not fulfilling this right, as it has been narrated from the Messenger of God (pbuh&hp) that he said, “I swear by He who my soul is in His hands, when a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, He Who is in the Sky becomes angry of her until [her husband] is satisfied with her.”^[134]

         It is narrated that women gathered and discussed their rights in the beginning times of Islam. Then they sent Asma Bint Yazeed al-Ansariya as their representative to the Messenger of God (pbuh&hp). She came and found the Prophet sitting with companions, so she said, “‘May my father and mother be sacrificed for you, I am a representative of the women to you, and know, may I be sacrificed for you, that no woman in the East or West who hears of this visit of mine [to you] disagrees with me. God has certainly sent you with truth to both men and women, and we believed in you and in your Lord who sent you. But we, women, are restricted, controlled, and forced to sit in your homes, fulfill your desires, and take care of your children. While you, men, were favored over us with [the ability to attend] Friday [prayers], congregation [prayers], and [the ability to] visit the ill, attend funerals, constantly perform Hajj (pilgrimage), and above all fight for the sake of God, and when you men leave to perform Hajj or Umrah or to be stationed [for war], we protect your money, spin threads for your clothes, and increase your wealth, do we not share your rewards O’ Messenger of God?’ The Prophet (pbuh&hp) turned around to his companions and said, ‘Have you heard a woman say anything more beautiful than this, asking for the matter of her religion?’ They said, ‘O’ Messenger of God, we did not think a woman can be guided to something like this.’ The Prophet (pbuh&hp) turned to her and said, ‘Go O’ woman and tell the women behind you that being good wives to your husbands, asking for their satisfaction, and accepting their approval is equal to all of that.’ So the woman left praising and glorifying God while beaming with joy.^[135]

         In addition to all of this, the partners can agree to some rights or how to achieve them in their marriage contract, as Islam proposes these rights as the optimal set of rights, but does not forbid any other suggestions or proposals that both partners agree on, given that it does not go against Islamic Laws.

2. Asking Permission when Leaving Home

         This is a right that is many times misunderstood. So what does it mean for the wife to ask her husband permission before leaving home? How would she be able to study, work, or visit her family and friends? Is the wife simply an object that the man owns and places in his house?

         As we explained in regard to the first right, Islam proposes a complete system to protect the family and does not propose a system on the basis of benefitting only one individual or another. When Islam obligated the man to work to fulfill the family’s financial needs and obligated him to protect it from any harm, it was necessary for all the other members of this institution to obey this responsible leader, meaning the husband, father, or grandfather. Likewise, it is not impermissible in itself for the wife or mother to leave the home in the way that is commonly understood, rather it is impermissible as it may go against the protection, dignity, respect, care, and safety that Islam wants for this Household. For example, there may be children who need continuous care. There is a home that requires a trusted guardian. There are marital rights that must be fulfilled. So, when the wife does not fulfill her marital responsibilities, leaves whenever she likes, returns whenever she likes, sleeps the night outside her home, and so on, she is exposing her children, their safety, and education to harm, as well as her sexual marital rights, home, and properties.

         In other words, we can understand the concept of asking permission before leaving home as a way of protecting family rights. Nonetheless, there are some exceptions to this, like medical issues or emergencies, as well as performing an obligation like going to obligatory Hajj, but in general, and in everyday affairs, it must be observed for the safety of the family and family rights. It has been narrated from Imam al-Sadiq (p) that a woman asked the Prophet (pbuh&hp), “‘O’ Messenger of God, what is the right of the husband on his wife?’ So he said, ‘and not to leave her home without his permission, and if she does leave her home without his permission, the angels of the sky, earth, wrath, and mercy will curse her until she returns to her home.”^[136]

         We are reminded here of what we mentioned in the previous section, that Islam proposed these rights as the optimal set of rights, but the partners can agree to some [other] rights or how to achieve them as long as the purpose of a meaningful marriage is fulfilled, and it does not go against Islamic Laws.

3. Trust

         The wife is entrusted with the husband’s secrets, properties, and wealth. She must be very responsible in safekeeping this trust. A holy narration states, “[The wife] protects herself and his wealth when he is away from her.”^[137] We all know how careful people are of their wealth and properties to the extent that they may always be mentally preoccupied with its safety and security, and if anything, however small, may happen to it, he will accuse anyone who knows anything about these properties, be it a factory, company, institution, or organization, of treachery. How about the institution of a home, which is the final shelter and main stronghold of a person? What would he do if he, God forbid, feels even the smallest amount of mistrust in his life partner? That is why there are so many recommendations regarding this, as when the wife is trustworthy and asks the husband’s permission when using [his money] even if he had previously given her permission to use it, the family will trust each other, they will be able to bond and will reach the greatest heights.

4. Mourning the Husband if he dies

         A marital relationship that is based on rights, love, respect, loyalty, and appreciation cannot simply end with death, as there are spiritual bonds that cannot be removed except with the passing of time. Islam gives this concept special importance and has set rights for it as well. Islam has embraced the intense sentimental and loving emotions of women by obligating what is called “Iddah.” This is a time in which the widow refrains from using perfume or kohl, and does not beautify herself in any way, including wearing decorated clothes, jewelry, or anything that is commonly considered an adornment to attract men. The Almighty says, “As for those of you who die and leave widows behind, let them observe a waiting period of four months and ten days.”^[138] A woman who fulfills all these rights, including the right after death, is for sure an example of the sayings of the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp), “One of the causes of man’s happiness is a righteous wife,”^[139] and “a righteous woman is better than a thousand unrighteous men.”^[140]

Manners of the Partners

         Duties and rights alone cannot achieve a happy and good life. Yes, they do guarantee the minimum limits so that the couple does not fall short of each other or exceed their limits. But the process of building, strengthening, and developing requires more than that. For example, the Almighty says, “Indeed, God commands justice and grace,”^[141] so justice is the basis of everything, but grace must come with it to fulfill the purpose. This applies to the marital relationship as well. Fulfilling marital rights alone is not enough to reach the highest levels of a relationship if it is not accompanied by Islamic home manners. The reason for this is that manners play an important role in increasing factors of love and continuation that bear fruit in all fields of marital life, making it in the best shape possible. God Almighty promised great rewards for such manners, encouraged us to comply with them, and established Divine role models for us to follow and learn from. Surely, there is no better role model than the Prophet (pbuh&hp) and his wife, the Mother of the Believers, Lady Khadija. He said, “The best of you is he who treats his women well, and I am the best of you in treating my women well.”^[142] He is also the one who constantly praised her (meaning Lady Khadija) and remembered her good, until he said, “By God, she believed in me when people rejected me, sheltered me when people dismissed me and believed me when people denied me.”^[143] They and their progeny, which were Ali and Fatima (p) as well as the Holy Imams (p), gave many recommendations for all those who seek to build a successful and prosperous family. Below are some of these jewels and pearls of wisdom:

1. Supporting each other to obey God

         The best role models for us are the two infallibles, Fatima al-Zahra and Ali Ibn Abi Talib (p). It has been narrated that the Prophet visited Ali and Fatima one morning, and asked Ali, “‘How did you find your wife?’ He said, ‘An excellent supporter in obeying God.’ Then he asked Fatima, and she said, ‘A great husband.’ So he said, ‘O’ God, unify them, bond their hearts, and make them and their progeny heirs of the Paradise of Bliss, and bless them with a virtuous, good progeny, make their progeny blessed, and make them Imams that guide by Your command to Your obedience, and command that which pleases You.”^[144] It was also narrated from the Prophet (pbuh&hp) that he said,  “If a wife supports her husband in Hajj (Pilgrimage), Jihad (Holy Struggle), or gaining knowledge, God will give her the reward which He gives to the wife of Ayyub (p).”^[145]

2. Showing Love and Affection

         It is not an overstatement to say that love is the basis of life. God Almighty has confirmed this reality in many verses [of the Holy Quran], including His saying, “Say, If you love God, then follow me, God will love you.”^[146] It has been narrated from Imam al-Baqir (p) that he said, “Is religion anything but love?”^[147] The factor of love and affection has a great effect on the continuation of happiness and comfort in the marital home, as it reflects positively on the life of the partners both inside and outside the family. It has been narrated that the Prophet (pbuh&hp) said, “When a man says to a woman that he loves her, it never leaves her heart.”^[148] It has also been narrated from Imam al-Sadiq (p) that “A man came to the Messenger of God (pbuh&hp) and said, ‘I have a wife who welcomes me when I enter [my home], accompanies me as I leave, and when she sees me worried says, what worries you? If you are worried for your blessings [in life], someone else takes care of it (meaning God), and if you are worried for your afterlife, may God increase your worries.’ So the Messenger of God (pbuh&hp) said, ‘Give her good tidings of heaven and tell her that she is a worker who works for God and that she has the reward of seventy martyrs every day.’”^[149] You should at least say or do something to repay her. How difficult is it to say, “I love you?” Consider it a good deed for the sake of God Almighty, as it has been narrated from the Prophet (pbuh&hp) that he said, “A good word is a charity.”^[150] Or give her a gift, even if it is as simple as a flower, as it has been narrated from the Prophet (pbuh&hp) that he said, “Gift and you will [increase] love.”^[151]

3. Showing Beauty

         No one will argue that beauty is a natural instinct in humankind. It has been narrated by the Commander of the Faithful Ali (p), “Indeed, God is beautiful and He loves beauty.”^[152] Beauty varies into many different kinds. There is the beauty of the universe, nature, oceans, rivers, birds, and so on. Beauty also includes the visible, external beauty and internal beauty of humans, the beauty of creation, and the beauty of character. Tastes may differ in defining visible beauty, but everyone agrees on moral beauty, as it is clear. Therefore, it is necessary for the partners to know things that are beloved and considered beautiful by the other for the purpose of using it and increasing it, as it expands the love and affection and strengthens the marital relationship. Hence, showing a good, lovable, and attractive figure to others and avoiding what they dislike is very important. It has been narrated from Imam al-Sadiq (p) that, “Three qualities are essential in the wife’s relationship with her husband; protecting herself from all impurities so that his heart trusts her in all loved and hated [situations], being near him so that he feels sympathy for her if she commits a mistake, and showing her love for him with beautiful words and good appearance.”^[153] It was also narrated al-Hassan Ibn Juhm said, “I saw Aba al-Hassan (p), and it seemed as if he had dyed [his hair and beard], so I said, ‘may I be sacrificed for you, did you dye [you hair]?’ He said, ‘Yes, dyeing is a rewarded act. Do you not know that preparation increases purity in women? Would you like to enter with your wife [for intercourse] and have her see you in such an unprepared way?’ I, (meaning al-Hassan), said, ‘No.’ He said, ‘It is that.’”^[154]

4. Generosity

         In chapter al-Furqan, the Almighty describes the pious saying, “They are those who spend neither wastefully nor stingily, but moderately in between.”^[155] After fulfilling the obligatory financial support to the wife, the husband should continue to be generous and give her without being wasteful. It has been narrated from Imam Zain al-Abideen (p) that, “The most pleased of you before God are those who are generous to their family.”^[156] It has also been narrated from Imam al-Rida (p) that, “It is obligatory on he who is blessed to be generous towards his family.”^[157] Generosity and beneficence towards one’s family increases the blessings of God Almighty and makes the family happy. This not only applies to the husband but also to the wife if she is financially capable.

5. Family Gatherings

         Many people have work and social obligations that occupy their day and night. There are some men and women who may be so busy that they do not find time to spend with each other and only meet in bed. This is an urgent issue that must be dealt with. The Prophet encouraged and emphasized the importance and necessity of family gatherings, and even said that it is better than attending the Mosque. It has been narrated from him (pbuh&hp) to have said, “A man sitting with his family is more beloved to God Almighty than worshiping in my mosque.”^[158] Especially if this family gathering includes intimacy that increases the degree of love and affection. It has been narrated from the Prophet (pbuh&hp) that “A man is rewarded for raising food to his wife’s mouth.”^[159] It has also been narrated from Imam al-Baqir (p) that “A woman who quenches her husband’s thirst with a sip of water is better for her than worshiping an entire year, fasting the day and staying up the night [in prayer].”^[160]

6. Volunteering to Serve

         It is not an obligation of the wife to serve her husband, cook, or clean the house. But offering such voluntary services increases good in the home, blesses the family, and strengthens the bonds of love between the partners. Thus, it brings happiness as we can see in all successful and happy families. It has been narrated from the Prophet (pbuh&hp) that “When a woman picks something up from her husband’s home, hoping to correct it, God looks at her, and whoever God looks at, will not be punished by Him.”^[161] Historical books also mention that Ali and Fatima al-Zahra (p) shared family responsibilities. As he prepared what needed to be prepared from outside the home, she prepared what needed to be prepared inside the home, and he would help her in that too.^[162] It was narrated from Imam Ali (p) that “The Messenger of God (pbuh&hp) came and saw Fatima sitting near a pot while I cleaned lentils. So he said, ‘O’ Aba al-Hassaan!’ I said, ‘Yes, O’ Messenger of God! He said, hear this [well]. No man helps his wife in her home without being rewarded for every hair on his body one year of worship; fasting the day and staying up the night [in prayer], and God will give him the reward that He gives the patient [believers], Dawud (David) the Prophet, Yaqub (Jacob), and Isa (Jesus) (p). O’ Ali, those who tirelessly serve their family in the home, their name will be written in the Book of Martyrs, God will give them the rewards of a thousand martyrs every night and day, the reward of a Hajj and Umrah [pilgrimage] for every step, and give them for every [drop of] sweat on their body a city in heaven. O’ Ali, one hour in service of the family is better than the worship of a thousand years, a thousand Hajj pilgrimages, a thousand Umrah pilgrimages, a thousand slaves liberated, a thousand battles [fought], a thousand ill people visited, a thousand Friday [prayers attended], a thousand funeral processions [organized], a thousand hungry people fed, a thousand unclothed people dressed, a thousand horses given for the sake of God [in battles], a thousand dinars given to the needy in charity, and is better than reading the Torah, Bible, Psalms, and Furqan [Quran], buying and then liberating a thousand captives, and slaughtering a thousand animals for the needy, and the person will not leave this world before seeing his place in heaven. O’ Ali, he who tirelessly serves [his] family, will enter heaven without judgment. O’ Ali, serving one’s family is an atonement of the great sins, it extinguishes the wrath of the Lord and is the dowry of the virgins of heaven. It increases good deeds and [elevates] degrees. O’ Ali, only a truthful [believer], martyr, or a man who God wants good for in this world and hereafter serves [his] family.’”^[163]

7. Being Patient and Forgiving the Other’s Mistakes

         Patience and forgiveness does not mean accepting injustice, as that is completely unacceptable. However, many times and as a result of the pressures of life and having to deal with different types of people outside of the home, people are subjected to a test of their morals and the way they deal with others. The father may suddenly lose his temper inside the home as a result of these pressures. Here, it is best for the family members, especially the wife, to play the main role in calming him down, as the husband is in the marital home where the “comfort, love, and affection” should compensate for the pressures faced outside. This role requires the wife to have skill in handling such crises, as she is the main person who can calm him down and is the heart of a happy home. Islam has promised great rewards for this beautiful and important role. It has been narrated from the Messenger of God (pbuh&hp) that  “The Jihad (holy struggle) of a woman is being a good wife.”^[164] Unfortunately, some women treat their husbands with bad manners in such situations, but treating it (the loss of temper) requires patience and time. The Prophet also promised great rewards for the women who are patient for the greater good of the family. It has been narrated from him (pbuh&hp) that he said, “She who is patient with her husband’s bad manners, [God] will give her rewards like that of Asia Bint Muzahim (the believing wife of the Pharaoh).”^[165] It has also been narrated from Imam al-Baqir (p) that he said, “God Almighty has ordered men to perform Jihad (struggle for His sake), and women to perform Jihad. The Jihad of men is to sacrifice their money and blood until they are killed for the sake of God, and the Jihad of women is to be patient with the difficulties she faces from her husband and his overprotection of her.”^[166] It is also possible that for one reason or another, the wife’s behavior may be bad, or she may do something that repels the husband, because she is a human being who may also experience pressure, especially during her monthly period, when she is going through a different psychological state when she feels tired and exhausted, or if she hears bad news concerning her family or relatives whom she cares about, and so on. It is necessary here to lower expectations and to accept the situation. In a holy narration, “He who is patient of his wife’s bad manners, anticipating a reward in the hereafter for his patience, God Almighty will give him for every day and night of patience the rewards that He gave Ayyub (p) for [being patient] of his trials, and she will be burdened [with wrongdoings] as many as piled sand.”^[167] It is best to overlook and forgive any [unintended] misdeed, as that increases love and brings partners closer. It has been narrated from the Ahl al-Bayt (p) that they said, “and forgive her if she is ignorant,” because if they make a problem of every small misdeed, their marital life cannot continue and settle with love. It has been narrated from the Messenger of God (pbuh&hp) that he said, “Gabriel (p) has reminded me of the importance of women [to the extent] that I thought that we cannot divorce them except from clear obscenity.”^[168]

Wedding Ceremonies

         The marriage contract is very easy in Islam. As soon as the two parties agree, decide to get married, and determine the dowry, the woman can simply say, “I marry you myself in accordance to the Book of God and the teachings of His Messenger, with the known dowry,” and the man answers saying, “I agree,” the marriage would be achieved and the two would have religiously become husband and wife. However, Islam also encouraged some acts that the partners would be rewarded for doing, due to their many positive effects. Some of these recommended acts include:

Engagement

         The engagement involves the groom going with his family and respected people of the community, including a religious scholar, to the girl’s home and officially asking for her hand in marriage from her family. Their respected elder or scholar should give a short address that begins by praising God and sending blessings to His Messenger and the Ahl al-Bayt, then discussing the virtues of the groom, the reason for their visit, and finally, they should officially ask the girl’s hand in marriage. This ceremony is an important moral and social custom in many communities that could help bring the two closer and better connect the community. It also protects the partners as it assures them that they are not alone and that they are an important part of the community.

The Guardian’s Approval

         In Islam, no one has innate authority over another, unless there is proof otherwise. So there is no authority over the mature adult man nor over the mature adult woman who had not been married before. However, Islam does give authority to the father and grandfather, who are considered the religious guardians, over the young, virgin girl. Perhaps, even if the girl is mature and independent from her father, he has authority over her as an obligatory precaution.^[169] However, the guardian loses this authority if he refuses to marry the girl from a religious and social equal, is stubborn in the matter of marriage, or chooses to not get involved.

         Religious laws have certain benefits for the girl that we may not comprehend. It may be that it is to protect the girl and make her feel supported when her hand in marriage is asked by her father or grandfather. This is one of the pillars of the family that strengthens its bonds and defenses so that the girl remains under her family’s protection even when she is married and moves to her marital home. The husband would have a direct connection to the family who accept him as a son-in-law, and not just connected to them through their daughter.

The Time of the Contract

         There are some recommended and blessed times that God Almighty has chosen for many purposes, like the Night of Power (Laylat al-Qadr) or Friday Eve. It was mentioned in the Islamic laws that it is disliked to make the [marriage] contract when the moon is in scorpio, or at the end of the month, or in the noon of a hot day.

The Wedding

         Weddings, meaning the religiously-acceptable celebratory ceremonies of taking the bride to her husband’s home, are recommended in Islam, and it is recommended that they take place at night and not day. It has been narrated from Imam al-Sadiq (p) that he said, “Wed your brides at night.”^[170] It has also been narrated from Imam al-Redha (p) that he said, “It is custom [of the Prophet] to wed at night, as night is the time for comfort, and indeed women are comfortable.”^[171] Another recommended act is for the wedding ceremony to be accompanied by chants of “God is Great.” It has been narrated that when the Prophet (pbuh&hp) ordered for Fatima to be wedded to her husband Ali’s home, he placed her on a mule, and people around her were chanting poems, so he ordered them to instead chant “God is Great,” and he said that Gabriel and a group of angels came down to take Fatima to Ali.^[172]

Offering Food

         It is recommended to give food in the morning (not the night) of the marriage without bragging or being extravagant. It is also recommended that the food be given to the needy and not only the wealthy. It has been narrated from the Prophet that he said, “It is the custom of the Messengers to give food during marriage.”^[173]

Prayer and Supplication

         It is recommended for the partners to be observing ablution (wudhu) during the marriage, and that they perform prayer and supplications. It has been narrated from Imam al-Baqir (p) that he ordered a man on the Night of his wedding, “When you wed, order her to perform wudhu before getting close to you, and do not get close to her without having wudhu [yourself]. Then pray two rakaats, praise God, and send blessing upon Muhammed and the Family of Muhammed, then supplicate with the following supplication and order those with her to say ‘Amen’ to your supplication, say, ‘O’ God, bless me with her intimacy, affection, and pleasure, make me pleased with her, and bring us together in the best relationship and most pleasurable companionship, for You love the permissible (meaning marriage) and dislike the impermissible.’”^[174]

         All of this suggests that marriage is a sacred project of high status, and not just fleeting pleasures and desires. A project that brings tranquility, comfort, and responsibility, and carries a divine message in building society and providing it with a righteous base.

Wedding Traditions

         It has been narrated from the Messenger of God (pbuh&hp) that “There is a wedding for every people,”^[175] meaning that there are different customs and traditions that are very important in the weddings of some cultures but are different or not important in others. But as long as the essence is met, which is the religious marriage, everything else could be decided by culture given that it does not go against religious laws.

         One of these traditions is inviting the community to attend a large and extended ceremony. Another tradition is to expect the husband or wife’s families to do certain acts, give certain gifts, or pay some [wedding] charges. All of these traditions may confuse and pressure the newlyweds, especially those who are from a generation that grew up in a country other than that of their families. In this case, it is important for them to understand the matter and take into account the circumstances [of their families]. We cannot say that these traditions are good or bad, beneficial or unbeneficial, as they are traditions and customs that many people love and defend. The best thing to do in such a case is for each person to do according to their capabilities without burdening others with what they want. If the family of the bride or groom has specific desires, let them do it themselves without burdening the newlyweds, and if the newlyweds want to do something specific, let them do it themselves without confusing or burdening their families with it.

         Most importantly, these traditions and customs must not be covered with the name of Islam, and people should not be burdened with them under the pretext of religion, as it is religiously impermissible and may even be considered a form of injustice or violation against others. All these matters should be understood and accepted with a high spirit and the aspirations should be implemented with the least psychological and material costs and burdens.

Negative Traditions in a Wedding

         Due to the atmosphere of overwhelming joy, many rush with extreme passion to make the place as joyful and delightful as possible. Unfortunately, in an attempt to do so, they may exceed the limits and commit impermissible and immoral acts, surrendering to the Devil without realizing it. Therefore, it is important to take notice of such acts so that you are careful of them in marriage ceremonies and during weddings:

1. It is impermissible to sing forbidden songs at the wedding, which are the verbal songs known to the people of entertainment. As for poems and hymns that have a sound, purposeful meaning and that are within the moral standards and calm environment, there is no issue with them. The only exception [to the impermissibility] of singing are the partners singing privately to each other.

2. Dancing is impermissible even if it is between men or women only, and the only exception is that which is between the partners.

3. Combining men and women in the same hall may cause something impermissible as the women would be in a state of adornment and good appearance in the presence of men. So it is best to separate the women’s hall from the men’s hall.

4. Be sure to avoid displaying beauty and adornment [between men and women] with specific movements or manners of speech that usually accompany such ceremonies. The Almighty says, “and not display their adornment except to their husbands,”^[176] and He ordered both men and women to lower their gaze when he said, “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their chastity,” “and tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity.”^[177]

5. Not only to invite the wealthy members of the community to the wedding feast but to invite the needy as well. This is a way of bringing joy to the heart of the [needy] believers, and can also increase their feeling of honor and dignity.

6. To be careful of extravagance and waste, whether in food, decoration, appearance, or place. As both extravagance and arrogance are forbidden and highly disliked in Islam.

Challenges of the First Year of Marriage

         Life is filled with challenges that a person cannot ignore and imagine one that is only positive. It is bitter and sweet, and without these two factors, there is no experience or benefit in life. In fact, the human’s value elevates, and his reward increases when he succeeds in these challenges with the help of his wisdom and logic. This is also true of marital life. It is not only bliss, comfort, and pleasure, as it follows the principles of nature and this worldly life that has challenges and worries to the extent that it may even make you regret the marriage, as the case is with many. But what is important is to know how to treat these issues that form a real challenge, especially to newlywed partners.

The solution lies in:

1. Understanding the reality of this worldly life. When a person is realistic, he will be ready to go through any possible changes, but when he has very high and positive expectations, he may forget reality and find himself living in a fantasy world filled with illusions, far from the world we live in.

2. Seeking refuge in God Almighty with prayers, and committing oneself to supplications, as it recharges one’s energy, provides a source of hope, and brings life once again. The Almighty says, “Remember Me, I will remember you,”^[178] and He says, “Those who believe and whose hearts find comfort in the remembrance of Allah. Surely in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find comfort.”^[179]

3. Consulting people of knowledge, wisdom, and expertise. Those around us, whether family, relatives, or friends, who are known for wisdom and have gone through challenging circumstances that made their marriage and marital relationship more successful, have the best solutions in avoiding things that may negatively affect marital life. Consulting them will also increase knowledge of other factors that would strengthen and develop the relationship, as well as help overcome all challenges, God willing.

         Patience, in addition to contemplation, reflection, and rationality are among the most important qualities that partners must possess in order to overcome the difficulties and challenges they face at this period of their marriage.

Beware of Marital Disputes

         Being different is the nature of humans, so it is very natural for partners to have differences and disputes, as it is the custom of God in the universe, creation, and humanity. “Had your Lord so willed, He would have certainly made humanity one single community, but they will always [choose to] differ.”^[180] Therefore, in order to resolve disputes, it is important to notice the unnatural factors that lead to it, as being different in itself is the path to perfection and development and helps correct, guide, and strengthen our actions. But there are other factors that lead to disputes which must be avoided. Such factors include:

Not complying with Religious Laws

         The origin of many disputes is not complying or accepting the religious laws. There are rights and duties for every member of society, including the husband and wife, and when religious laws are not followed, these duties are not fulfilled, naturally resulting in conflicts and the destruction of homes.

Miscalculation

         Not knowing the other, their privacies, and psychological, intellectual, or physical capabilities will lead to disputes as you cannot expect the other to have the same intellectual, cultural, psychological, and physical standards as you. It is narrated by the Commander of the Faithful, when he wrote to his son al-Hassan,  “Do not burden a woman with more than her capability, as that is better and more comfortable for her, and it makes her beauty last longer, as a woman is a flower and not a maid, and you should not her as a result of her honor.”^[181] In another narration, “The Jihad (holy struggle) of a woman is being a good wife,”^[182] meaning to know how to treat her husband and what to expect and what not to expect from him.

Unrealistic Expectations

         Many young couples have rosy dreams and imagine that their life after marriage will only be joy, fun, and games, without any responsibilities or duties. Then when they realize that there are many responsibilities, like pregnancy, giving birth, and so on, they begin to argue and blame each other. This is all from the Devil’s whispers, as those who understand marriage and its responsibilities will not have such expectations.

Routine

         The daily routine of duties and responsibilities may cause boredom and fatigue that in turn cause conflict. In such cases, it is best to change things based on one’s abilities, like going on vacation, traveling for some time, changing clothes, appearance, and work hours, or even visiting friends and family or participating in social activities, so that routine does not overwhelm life with boredom. It is narrated by Imam al-Sadiq that “Three qualities are essential in the wife’s relationship with her husband; protecting herself from all impurities so that his heart trusts her in all loved and hated [situations], being near him so that he feels sympathy for her if she commits a mistake, and showing her love for him with beautiful words and good appearance.”^[183]

Blame and Guilt

         Humans, by instinct, commit mistakes, and without mistakes, they cannot develop. So to prevent marital conflicts, it is important to forgive mistakes and shortcomings, rather than reminding of them and guilting the other. In the holy narration, “The best men of my nation are those who do not assault their wives, rather have sympathy for them, and do not commit injustice towards them.”^[184]

Jealousy

         Protectiveness is sought-after in Islam, as human nature confirms that both men and women carry protectiveness by instinct. Humans, by nature, are protective of their family, people, money, honor, and country. So it is natural for a man to be protective of his wife, and it is also natural for the wife to be protective of her husband, but it is important to remain moderate. When it exceeds moderation, it becomes jealousy, insanity, and paranoia. It was narrated from the Messenger that “the jealous woman cannot distinguish the top of a canyon from its bottom.”^[185] The same applies to some men who become doubtful of every movement and look so that the Devil can whisper to them regarding anything, causing them to accuse his wives of pure lies. This factor must be taken seriously, moderately, and far from any feelings, sentiments, or emotions. It has been narrated by the Commander of the Faithful that he said, “Beware of being protective when it is not the place for protectiveness, as it takes the sound of them (women) to illness.”^[186]

Looking at other people

The Almighty says, “And do not definitely extend your eyes to what We have given pairs of them to enjoy, the flower of the present life that We may tempt them therein. And the provision of your Lord is better and more enduring.”^[187] Look at the house of so-and-so, the car of so-and-so, the wedding of so-and-so, the honeymoon of so-and-so on the island of such-and-such, and so on.

The Danger of Divorce

         If family disputes are not resolved in the best way, and if conflicts cannot be settled with a better alternative, the consequence would be separation and divorce, which is very disliked and discouraged in Islam. It has been narrated from the Messenger (pbuh&hp) that he said, “Marry, and do not divorce for surely divorce shakes the Divine Throne,”^[188] as divorce has many negative and dangerous outcomes, especially if there are children. Some of the negatives of divorce include:

1. Sadness and Depression – Mental Health clinics, with their records and numbers that are announced from time to time by research centers or by therapists, show that many of their patients who complain of depression, sadness, and anxiety are divorced men and women. Perhaps the real reason behind this is the inner feeling of remorse for steps, behaviors, and decisions that were not supposed to be taken that led to divorce. Therefore, it is necessary to study the issue and make sure that divorce is the only option before proceeding, otherwise, why is it necessary?

2. Domestic Violence – Divorce many times leads to domestic violence. Divorce, by its nature, leads the two partners into disputes regarding the custody of the children, the sharing of wealth, and the financial obligations after the divorce. Many cases have shown that such disputes led to the practice of violence and counter-violence, and thus carry heavy religious and legal consequences. So if the Devil adorns the decision of divorce for someone, he must think many times before proceeding with this difficult decision.

3. Loss of children: There is no doubt that most of the children of divorced parents suffer from psychological trauma as a result of the parents’ disputes and divorce. One child may prefer one parent while the other child prefers the other parent, then using emotions one is dragged to the mother and the other to the father, so their suffering will continue. Then, as soon as the children reach the legal age of maturity and decision-making, as experience suggests, they will be exposed to a loss of identity and the children will be lost as a result of the parents’ recklessness in divorce. Therefore, anyone who feels responsible towards their children and feels love and affection for them must think many times before making the decision to divorce.

4. Harming the Community and Families – One of the most important benefits of marriage is building society and establishing security, by addressing desires and instincts within a strict family system. In reality, divorce, whatever its justifications may be, does the exact opposite. It harms the community and families in general, and may even cause social enmity between families as a result of the relationship of each of the partners with their families, relatives, and friends. One of the biggest factors of unsuccessful and broken societies is family disputes and constant divorce. Therefore, whoever is considering divorce must think about the extent to which the consequences of the divorce will affect others.

5. Affecting Marriage – When the phenomenon of divorce cases spreads and becomes dealt with easily, it will in one way or another make an impression on single people to avoid marriage. It is human nature to be cautious and fearful of an uncertain future. If, in addition to the great responsibilities of marriage, the issues of divorce and its consequences appear, then it is natural for single people to refrain from marriage, and then it becomes a general phenomenon among young men and women, as no one wants to be involved in disputes.

The Relationship with the Partners’ Families

         Community and social relationships are very important in achieving the objectives of Islam, and one cannot imagine a healthy, productive community without families, and there cannot be families without marriage. All of this obligates its members with rights and responsibilities towards other members of the community. The partners must be completely aware of their obligations and what is good for them to do after becoming married. To better clarify this, the husband will become a mahram to his mother-in-law, so she becomes a mother to him. The wife, too, will become a mahram to her father-in-law, so he becomes a father to her. The families will become intertwined and will get closer to each other. Therefore, there will be obligations and recommended acts towards members of their two families, the least of the obligations is associating with them (performing silat rahm), and the least of which is recommended is greeting them, exchanging gifts with them, and feeling affection for them.

         Even if the backgrounds, cultures, traditions, ethnicities, or even faith of the families of the partners differ, this should not stop them from associating with them, as the Messenger of God said, “You are all from Adam, and Adam is from dust.”^[189] Hence, it is obligatory to be respectful and to treat others well, as we expect them to treat us. It was narrated from the Prophet (pbuh&hp) that he said, “You will not be able to encompass people with your wealth, so encompass them with your morals.”^[190]

Pregnancy and Giving Birth

         As soon as marriage takes place, the partners may find themselves under pressure from family, relatives, or even themselves to seek offspring. So when is the appropriate time for the new couple to conceive and have children?

         In reality, there is no specific time, nor is there a specific age. In fact, we often see the divine will intervening either positively or negatively. Many partners try all different ways to conceive, but God’s will choose them, and many partners try all different ways to prevent pregnancy and limit offspring, but the order of God prevails. Imam Ali (p) was asked, how is your Lord known? He said, “By revoking determinations, dissolving decisions, and abrogating ambitions.”^[191]

         However, in the general context, and because the fruit of marriage is children that are an innate and inevitable need in mankind, the process of pregnancy and giving birth requires several things to be taken into consideration, and not to be left without planning.

1. The partners must have complete knowledge of what the pregnancy and childbearing process requires so that they are not surprised by things that they did not expect and for which they were not prepared.

2. There must be a complete understanding of the meanings of fatherhood, motherhood, and childhood, as each of these terms has legal, religious, and moral rights and obligations. In addition to that, the partners should take a full course on parenting.

3. They should study their psychological and physical conditions, as perhaps the circumstances they are going through may not be beneficial, or maybe the wife’s body needs better growth or physical fitness for an easier and healthier pregnancy and childbirth. It may also be necessary to choose a time for pregnancy that is appropriate for delivery as well, as there are some women who find it difficult to give birth in the summer or vice versa, while others worry about the child’s academic progress, so they want the delivery to be before September to not deprive the child of a full academic year later on.

4. It is well known that the family, especially the parents of the couple, are eagerly waiting to see their grandchildren. This creates very difficult pressure on the partners, especially if they are purposely delaying the pregnancy process, or if they face health conditions that do not allow pregnancy. The partners must accept this overwhelming emotional desire of the family and assure them that with their kind prayers, their desire will be fulfilled, God-willing, sooner or later. The couple must not see this negatively and blame each other’s families. Instead, they should try to understand it and treat their families respectfully.

         The above are only examples of cases that happened and are happening and may have a significant impact on the happiness or progress of the marital home. We found it necessary to mention and remind readers of these examples.

The Challenge of Parenting

         The first thing that spouses face after pregnancy and giving birth is the challenge of parenting. Raising a child is a complete project that includes everything before, during, and after birth until the child reaches twenty-one years of age. The parents will be responsible for the child for nearly twenty-two years, starting from the moment his sperm formed and ending with his completion of the twenty-first year.

         There are many recommendations regarding the child during pregnancy that the mother should take into account if she aspires to have a good, blessed, and successful child on the physical, psychological, spiritual, and intellectual levels. There are many narrations that caring parents should pay attention to, read, and focus on for happy children.

         Then comes the stage of breastfeeding to which there are many interesting guidances to help strengthen the relationship between the infant and his parents, and the guidance continues until the child passes all of the three stages of his educational life. It has been narrated from Imam al-Sadiq (p) that he said, “Let your child play for seven years, then discipline him for seven years, then keep him by your side for seven years.”^[192]

Maintaining beauty

         Everyone experiences boredom, wherever he is, at any stage of his life, and in any condition. This is nature and this is life. When life becomes a daily routine from waking up in the morning until sleeping at night, it is certain that this will lead to boredom, apathy, or lack of activity in comparison to the past, especially with age and the presence of children. Islam intervenes to keep the family alive, shining, and blossoming forever. Firstly, believers should never feel bored or tired, as he believes that he is the bearer of a message and is moving towards a specific goal and in one direction relentlessly unaffected by apathy. The Almighty says, “O’ man, you are laboring towards your Lord laboriously, then you are bound to meet Him.”^[193] So the journey of a man in life is labor without a stop, and in every moment the believer supplies himself with good deeds from this world for the afterlife. The hard-working husband who works for himself and his family, and worries for them and their future, and the patient, persistent, hard-working wife who sacrifices everything for her family, they all work for God Almighty with Divine purposes in building earth, and their project can never become a boring, flavorless routine. This is the beauty of faith and the family system in Islam. In addition to taking into account human nature and its material aspect of it, Islam urged both the husband and wife to observe features of beauty for the reasons for love between them in the best way so that this relationship continues in its best condition.

---

^[1] The Holy Quran, 78:8.

^[2] The Holy Quran, 30:21.

^[3] Al-Tubrusi, Makarim al-Akhlaq, p. 196.

^[4] Al-Saduq, Man La Yahdhuruhu al-Faqih, vol. 3, p. 383.

^[5] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 327.

^[6] Al-Saduq, Thawab al-Amal, p. 40.

^[7] The Holy Quran, 30:21.

^[8] Smoak, Natalie. “Fertility Rate Statistics.”

Britanicca, May 12, 2016.

^[9] Noack, Rick. “5 Ways Europe is trying to Convince its Citizens to make More Babies.”

The Washington Post, April 10, 2015.

^[10] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 333.

^[11] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 327.

^[12] The Holy Quran, 30:21.

^[13] The Holy Quran, 2:187.

^[14] Al-Saduq, Ma’ani al-Akhbar, p. 144.

^[15] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 327.

^[16] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 329.

^[17] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 329.

^[18] The Holy Quran, 81:8-9.

^[19] The Holy Quran, 17:31.

^[20] The Holy Quran, 4:93.

^[21] The Holy Quran, 24:32.

^[22] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 329.

^[23] Al-Tubrusi, Makarim al-Akhlaq, p. 196.

^[24] Al-Tubrusi, Makarim al-Akhlaq, p. 197.

^[25] The Holy Quran, 30:21.

^[26] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 67, p. 116.

^[27] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 509.

^[28] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 43, p. 26.

^[29] The Holy Quran, 23:7.

^[30] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 101, p. 30.

^[31] The Holy Quran, 17:32.

^[32] Al-Reyshahri, Mizan al-Hikma, vol. 2, p. 1160.

^[33] Al-Reyshahri, Mizan al-Hikma, vol. 2, p. 1161.

^[34] Al-Reyshahri, Mizan al-Hikma, vol. 2, p. 1161.

^[35] The Holy Quran, 11:82.

^[36] “Monkeypox: Cases outside Africa rise to 780 in three weeks.” BBC News, June 5, 2022

https://www.bbc.com/news/health-61696974. The report states, “the reported cases so far have involved men who have sex with men.”

In the UKHSA epidemiological overview on August 9, 2022, Dr. William Welfare, Incident Director at UKHSA states, “the majority of monkeypox cases in the UK continue to be in gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men, with the infection being passed on mainly through close contact in interconnected sexual networks.” https://www.gov.uk/government/news/monkeypox-cases-confirmed-in-england-latest-updates

^[37] The Holy Quran, 17:70.

^[38] The Holy Quran, 23:5, 23:10-11.

^[39] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 541.

^[40] Al-Tubrusi, Majma al-Bayan, vol. 9, p. 402.

^[41] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 73, p. 141.

^[42] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 67, p. 116.

^[43] The Holy Quran, 4:4.

^[44] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 100, p. 236.

^[45] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 100, p. 220.

^[46] The Holy Quran, 30:21.

^[47] The Holy Quran, 30:21.

^[48] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 100, p. 236. Al-Hurr al-Ameli, Wasail al-Shia, vol. 20. p. 112.

^[49] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 100, p. 372.

^[50] The Holy Quran, 24:32.

^[51] Al-Tubrusi, Makarim al-Akhlaq, p. 197.

^[52] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 329.

^[53] Al-Nouri, Mustadrak al-Wasail, vol. 14, p. 149.

^[54] Al-Saduq, Man La Yahdhuruhu al-Faqih, vol. 3, p. 472.

^[55] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 337.

^[56] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 541.

^[57] Al-Reyshahri, Mizan al-Hikma, vol. 2, p. 1590.

^[58] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 401.

^[59] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 331.

^[60] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 101, p. 43.

^[61] Al-Kulyani, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 365.

^[62] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 365.

^[63] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 100, p. 235.

^[64] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 327.

^[65] Al-Hurr al-Ameli, Wasail al-Shia, vol. 20. p. 112.

^[66] Al-Tubrusi, Makarim al-Akhlaq, p. 204.

^[67] Al-Nouri, Mustadrak al-Wasail, vol. 14, p. 188.

^[68] The Holy Quran, 24:26.

^[69] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 332.

^[70] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 347.

^[71] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 347.

^[72] The Holy Quran, 17:70.

^[73] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 31, p. 35.

^[74] Al-Tubrusi, Makarim al-Akhlaq, p. 204.

^[75] The Holy Quran, 23:8.

^[76] Al-Mufid, Al-Ikhtisas, p. 229.

^[77] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 100, p. 372.

^[78] Al-Sharif al-Radhi, Nahj al-Balaghah (the Sermons of Imam Ali), vol. 2, p. 182.

^[79] The Holy Quran, 68:4.

^[80] Al-Saduq, Man La Yahdhuruhu al-Faqih, vol. 4, p. 394.

^[81] Al-Nouri, Mustadrak al-Wasail, vol. 14, p. 191.

^[82] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 347.

^[83] The Holy Quran, 30:21.

^[84] Al-Nouri, Mustadrak al-Wasail, vol. 14, p. 192.

^[85] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 349.

^[86] Al-Reyshahri, Mizan al-Hikma, vol. 2, p. 1181.

^[87] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 327.

^[88] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 323.

^[89] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 332.

^[90] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 100, p. 232.

^[91] The Holy Quran, 68:4.

^[92] Al-Saduq, Man La Yahdhuruhu al-Faqih, vol. 4, p. 394.

^[93] Al-Hurr al-Ameli, Wasail al-Shia, vol. 20, p. 29.

^[94] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 332.

^[95] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 354.

^[96] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 323.

^[97] The Holy Quran, 2:221.

^[98] https://www.sistani.org/arabic/qa/0310/#2195, Question 2.

^[99] http://holynajaf.com/ar/sistani, Question 10.

^[100] https://www.sistani.org/arabic/qa/0310/#2195, Question 7.

^[101] The Holy Quran, 4:21.

^[102] The Holy Quran, 55:7-9.

^[103] The Holy Quran, 4:21.

^[104] The Holy Quran, 4:32.

^[105] The Holy Quran, 14:34.

^[106] The Holy Quran, 31:12.

^[107] Imam Ali Ibn al-Hussain al-Sajjad, Treatise on Rights, The right of the wife.

^[108] The Holy Quran, 30:21.

^[109] The Holy Quran, 78:10.

^[110] The Holy Quran, 2:187.

^[111] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 100, p. 287.

^[112] The Holy Quran, 4:19.

^[113] The Holy Quran, 2:228.

^[114] Al-Tubrusi, Makarim al-Akhlaq, p. 216.

^[115] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 511.

^[116] Al-Hurr al-Ameli, Wasail al-Shia, vol. 22, p. 283.

^[117] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 100, p. 249.

^[118] Al-Saduq, Uyoun Akhbar al-Redha, vol. 1, p. 14.

^[119] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 73, p. 363.

^[120] Al-Saduq, Man La Yahdhuruhu al-Faqih, vol. 3, p. 443.

^[121] The Holy Quran, 65:6.

^[122] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 511.

^[123] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 511.

^[124] Al-Tubrusi, Makarim al-Akhlaq, p. 217.

^[125] Al-Tubrusi, Makarim al-Akhlaq, p. 79.

^[126] Al-Tubrusi, Makarim al-Akhlaq, p. 80.

^[127] Al-Hurr al-Ameli, Wasail al-Shia, vol. 21, p. 285.

^[128] Al-Hurr al-Ameli, Wasail al-Shia, vol. 21, p. 284.

^[129] The Holy Quran, 4:14.

^[130] Al-Saduq, Man La Yahdhuruhu al-Faqih, vol. 3, p. 438.

^[131] Al-Saduq, Al-Khisal, p. 588.

^[132] Al-Tubrusi, Makarim al-Akhlaq, p. 215.

^[133] The Holy Quran, 4:34.

^[134] Al-Qurtubi, Tafsir al-Jami li Ahkam al-Quran, vol. 14, p. 17.

^[135] Al-Tabatabaie, Tafsir al-Mizan, vol. 4, p. 350.

^[136] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 507.

^[137] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 327.

^[138] The Holy Quran, 2:234.

^[139] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 73, p. 155.

^[140] Al-Hurr al-Ameli, Wasail al-Shia, vol. 20, p. 172.

^[141] The Holy Quran, 16:90.

^[142] Al-Hurr al-Ameli, Wasail al-Shia, vol. 20, p. 171.

^[143] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 16, p. 12.

^[144] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 43, p. 117.

^[145] Al-Tubrusi, Makarim al-Akhlaq, p. 201.

^[146] The Holy Quran, 3:31.

^[147] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 8, p. 80.

^[148] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 569.

^[149] Al-Saduq, Man La Yahdhuruhu al-Faqih, vol. 3, p. 389.

^[150] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 80, p. 369.

^[151] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 144.

^[152] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 76, p. 299.

^[153] Ibn Shuba al-Harrani, Tuhaf al-Uqul fi Al al-Rasul, p. 323.

^[154] Al-Tubrusi, Makarim al-Akhlaq, p. 79.

^[155] The Holy Quran, 25:67.

^[156] Ibn Shuba al-Harrani, Tuhaf al-Uqul fi Al al-Rasul, p. 279.

^[157] Al-Hurr al-Ameli, Wasail al-Shia, vol. 21, p. 540.

^[158] Al-Reyshahri, Mizan al-Hikma, vol. 2, p. 1186.

^[159] Al-Reyshahri, Mizan al-Hikma, vol. 2, p. 1186.

^[160] Al-Reyshahri, Mizan al-Hikma, vol. 2, p. 1186.

^[161] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 100, p. 251.

^[162] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 101, p. 132.

^[163] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 101, p. 132.

^[164] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 9.

^[165] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 100, p. 247.

^[166] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 9.

^[167] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 7, p. 216.

^[168] Al-Saduq, Man La Yahdhuruhu al-Faqih, vol. 3, p. 440.

^[169] Al-Sistani, Minhaj al-Saliheen, Gaurdians of the Contract.

^[170] Al-Hurr al-Ameli, Wasail al-Shia, vol. 20, p. 91.

^[171] Al-Hurr al-Ameli, Wasail al-Shia, vol. 20, p. 91.

^[172] Al-Hurr al-Ameli, Wasail al-Shia, vol. 20, p. 92.

^[173] Al-Hurr al-Ameli, Wasail al-Shia, vol. 20, p. 94.

^[174] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 500.

^[175] Al-Hurr al-Ameli, Wasail al-Shia, vol. 21, p. 200.

^[176] The Holy Quran, 24:31.

^[177] The Holy Quran, 24:30, 24:31.

^[178] The Holy Quran, 2:152.

^[179] The Holy Quran, 13:28.

^[180] The Holy Quran, 11:118.

^[181] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 510.

^[182] Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 9.

^[183] Ibn Shuba al-Harrani, Tuhaf al-Uqul fi Al al-Rasul, p. 323.

^[184] Al-Tubrusi, Makarim al-Akhlaq, p. 216.

^[185] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 22, p. 145.

^[186] Ibn Shuba al-Harrani, Tuhaf al-Uqul fi Al al-Rasul, p. 87.

^[187] The Holy Quran, 20:131.

^[188] Al-Hurr al-Ameli, Wasail al-Shia, vol. 22, p. 9.

^[189] Ibn Shuba al-Harrani, Tuhaf al-Uqul fi Al al-Rasul, p. 34.

^[190] Al-Saduq, Man La Yahdhuruhu al-Faqih, vol. 4, p. 394.

^[191] Al-Reyshahri, Mizan al-Hikma, vol. 1, p. 795.

^[192] Al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 101, p. 95.

^[193] The Holy Quran, 84:6.