I have been struggling with my marriage. My husband forces me to do things that make me uncomfortable, and he tells me if I don’t do them, he will divorce me. If I don’t do the things he forces me to do then it results in him holding a grudge against me, and he treats me badly, fights with me, neglects me and abandons me, and goes out of state to stay at his sibling’s house. I would like to know if this is the type of relationship God describes between a man and woman, which is considered a sacred bond of marriage. Is this permissible for him to do? Is this all marriage is about, that I should obey him and if I don’t, it is the end of my marriage? He tells me I should obey him no matter what because he is my husband. In Islam, am I supposed to just do what he says even if it affects me negatively?
Marriage is a sacred bond based on compassion, affection, understanding, and fulfillment of mutual duties and rights. As such, the husband is obliged to treat his wife with kindness and respect, provide her a suitable living and fulfill her intimate needs. As for the wife, she is obliged to fulfill her husband’s intimate needs whenever he requests them, and must not leave the house without his permission, and beyond that, she is not obliged to obey him in anything. Further, both the husband and wife must obey the commands of God and treat each other well, and if one of them witnesses a sinful behavior from their partner, such as abandoning an obligatory duty or committing a sinful act, they must command them to obey God and refrain from any sinful behavior. If the husband continues to mistreat his wife, and she can no longer bear his mistreatment she can ask for a divorce, but she is highly advised to exhaust all possible means of fixing the problem before resorting to the option of divorce, and should in all cases turn to God and seek His support for He is the best Lord and best helper.