I’ve been putting off reaching out to a family member that I haven’t spoken to in a long time…

Sometimes the hardest message to send is not to a stranger, but to someone we once loved deeply. Perhaps the silence began with a misunderstanding, or perhaps someone said something hurtful. Maybe life simply drifted you in different directions until weeks became months, and months became years.

With every passing day, reaching out becomes more difficult. We convince ourselves that tomorrow will be a better time, that they should make the first move, or that too much time has passed to repair the relationship.

But Islam teaches us that maintaining family ties (silat al-rahm) is not merely a social virtue; it is an act of worship. The Ahl al-Bayt (pbut) repeatedly emphasized that preserving family relationships is among the greatest means of earning God’s pleasure. In fact, many of us spend tremendous effort seeking closeness to God through prayer, fasting, and charity, while overlooking one of the greatest opportunities sitting in our own contact list. In an oft-quoted tradition, the Messenger of God (pbuh&hp) says, “Maintaining harmony between people is better than [recommended] prayer and fasting” (al-Amali of Shaykh al-Tusi; Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 43, p. 76).

If you’ve been putting off reconnecting with a family member, here are some reminders from the Quran and the teachings of the Prophet and his family (pbut) to help you overcome your hesitation.

1. Don’t Wait for the “Perfect Time”

There is rarely a perfect moment to repair a relationship. The longer we delay, the heavier the conversation feels. You risk allowing pride to grow, assumptions to deepen, and hearts to harden. God praises those who hasten toward goodness, “Race toward forgiveness from your Lord and a Garden whose width is like the heavens and the earth…” (Quran 3:133). Similarly, He describes the righteous in the following way, “They hasten to good deeds, and they are foremost in them” (23:61).

If reaching out to a family member is something you’ve been intending to do, perhaps today is the answer to that intention. The first message doesn’t need to resolve years of tension. It can simply be something like, “Salaam alaykum. I was thinking about you today and wanted to see how you’re doing.”

Sometimes God places immense barakah (blessing) in a small act of courage.

2. Reach out for God’s sake, while keeping in mind they might not respond.

One reason we hesitate is fear of how the receiver might respond or not respond. 

What if they ignore me?

What if they reject me?

What if nothing changes?

Islam shifts our focus from outcomes to intentions. Our responsibility is to fulfill our duty before God and not to control another person’s response, as the Messenger of God (pbuh&hf) said, “Do not sever relations with your kin, even if they sever relations with you” (Al-Kafi, v. 2, p. 347, Hadith 6).

Similarly, Imam al-Hussain (p) mentions, “Indeed, the one who maintains relations most beautifully is the one who maintains relations with the person who has cut him off.” (Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 74, p. 400, hadith 41). These teachings are profound because it removes the condition that the other person must deserve our kindness first. Not every relationship will immediately be restored, nor will every conversation end happily. It’s important to remember, though, that every sincere effort made for God’s sake carries reward, regardless of how the other person responds.

3. Take one small step today

Reconciliation rarely happens in a single conversation; it begins with one small act like a message, a phone call, a du’a, or a simple greeting. The Quran commands, “Indeed, God commands justice, excellence, and giving to relatives…” (16:90).

Notice that maintaining family ties is mentioned alongside justice and excellence. Family relationships require consistency more than grand gestures. The Prophet (pbuh&hf) and his family consistently taught that silat al-rahm brings immense blessings into a person’s life. Our traditions mention that maintaining family ties increases blessings, extends one’s lifespan, strengthens communities, and earns the pleasure of God.

Know that your effort is never wasted. Perhaps the relationship changes. Perhaps it doesn’t, but your heart will surely benefit.

Life is very fragile. Every one of us has known someone who wished they had one more conversation, one more visit, or an opportunity to say, “I’m sorry,” or “I miss you.” As believers, we are encouraged to leave as few regrets behind as possible.

If there is a family member you’ve been thinking about for weeks, months, or even years, perhaps this is your reminder to reach out to them.