“I’m Always Too Hard on Myself”

Self-talk is sometimes our biggest enemy. When that voice enters our mind, telling us that we’re not enough, or not worthy, or never going to be where we need to be, it can be hard to ignore. 

When such insecurities creep up, we can either suppress them and redirect our minds and hearts, or fall prey to thoughts like:

”I’m not worthy of praying in the darkness of the night; how can I be someone who recites and studies the Quran?” or, “I’m going to hell anyway, so what difference will praying make?”, etc. 

It’s important to recognize that while we all have lapses and mistakes, that doesn’t make us bad people. Any sins or transgressions we may have committed don’t have to define who we are. We must believe and act on the belief that God wants to support us in shattering whatever poor habits and vices we do have. 

Here are some techniques in combatting negative self-talk and bolstering your self-confidence:

1. Mentorship & Community: 

The story of Prophet Musa (p) and his brother Haroon (p) is one of the most powerful examples in the Quran of how mentorship, brotherhood, and community can strengthen one’s confidence and sense of purpose. 

When God commanded that Prophet Musa p) confront the Pharaoh, who was one of the most tyrannical rulers in history, Prophet Musa (p) did not feel fully equipped to face this enormous task alone. He was deeply aware of his own perceived limitations, particularly regarding his speech. He supplicates to God:

“He said: ‘My Lord! Expand my breast for me, and make my affair easy for me, and loosen the knot from my tongue, that they may understand my speech; and give me a helper from my family — Haroon, my brother.'” (Surah Ta-Ha, 20:25-29)

Rather than ignoring his insecurities, Prophet Musa (p) openly acknowledged his self-doubt before God and immediately sought both divine help and human assistance. 

Prophet Haroon (p) served as a trusted companion who understood his brother deeply, and served as a mentor and partner who could complement his weaknesses, and was a fellow believer who would keep him grounded and motivated. 

This story carries deep lessons for us today about forming meaningful relationships and building emotional and spiritual support systems around us. 

2. Seeking Forgiveness 

One of the most beautiful and comforting characteristics of God is that He is Al-Ghaffar (the Ever-Forgiving) and Al-Tawwab (the Ever-Accepting of Repentance). 

Imam Jafar as-Sadiq (p) said:

 “When a servant (of God) commits a sin, he is given respite from morning to evening. If within such time he pleads before God for forgiveness, no sin will be written against him.” (Al-Kafi, al-Kulayni, Volume 2, Book 1, Chapter 192, Hadith 1)

But istighfar is not just saying the words…we must have conviction. When you ask for forgiveness, the request should be underpinned by the belief that: 

1. God alone has the power to forgive.
2. You are sincerely remorseful.
3. You trust in God’s infinite mercy.

We should strive to seize the opportunities to be the recipients of God’s mercy and generosity when we feel most dejected and disappointed in ourselves. Turning to God in that moment can fuel us with hope and renewed purpose. 

3. Remember God’s Mercy is Vast

God declares in the Quran, “In the name of God, the Beneficent, the Merciful. All praise is due to God, the Lord of the Worlds. The Beneficent, the Merciful” (1:1-3). We recite these verses ten times every day in our daily obligatory prayers, but do we truly believe them?

These words are promises from God Himself of His perpetual and inexhaustible mercy. However unworthy we feel, we should remember that God is more generous and compassionate than we can imagine. How could we give up on ourselves if God never gives up on us?